Order - Disorder - Higher Order

Chicken Out!

2012-01-22T14:20:00.001+08:00

Have been eating chicken all the while but never have I been so afraid of chicken...

I sent three gigantic chickens to the slaughter house yesterday. Each of them weighed 5.4, 5.7 and 5.8kg respectively. So in my car, two chickens were taking the back seat, and the fierce one was sitting next to me.

Two times on the journey, the fierce one in front, flew out of the box, sitting next to me. I was like an exorcist, commanding the chicken to "be quiet", pulled over by the roadside and to timidly grab the chicken by its feet and gently squeeze it back into the box.

St. Francis of Assisi must have interceded for me as I reached safely at the slaughter house. I told the chickens softly that, "It is the Lord who has created you. And He has given you a purpose..."

The fierce one was first removed from the car without much difficulties because the box was single-sharing. When I was removing the two chickens that squeezed themselves in the twin-sharing box, I must have tilted the box slightly... Frightened, the chickens flapped their wings frantically, struggling for freedom.

In the commotion, the box of two chickens was toppled while I was struggling to balance it, and the chickens fell into a heap. In the taming of the chickens, my spectacles almost fell off; and one of the chickens gave me a kangaroo kick, leaving a scratch mark on my arm.

When the whole "chicken-out" experience was over, I was glad that I survived the "test"... And the challenge ended with feathers in my mouth and chicken shit in my car seat...

(Preparation for Chinese New year celebration)

An Encounter with the Risen Lord

2011-12-22T17:46:00.002+08:00

Dawn is the most wonderful time of the day.

It is the twilight moment when the first ray of the sun (Son) would shine forth into the darkness of night.

The gloomy of the night is over,
And the glory of the sun (Son) radiates through the stain glass,
And the Church comes to life.

If night is death,
Dawn is resurrection;
We die when we sleep,
We rise again when we wake up.

Dawn is the reminder of the Resurrection of our Lord.
It is a reminder of Mary Magdalene's encounter of the Risen Lord on early Sunday morning.

Should you want to experience the Risen Lord, rise early, and seek Him at Dawn...

[Personal Reflection at Dawn]

Being Smart, Being Wise

2011-10-08T13:34:00.001+08:00

Being smart and being wise are both desirable.
Some are smart, but not wise;
Some are wise, but not smart...
Being smart helps us to survive;
Being wise helps us to live...
We can learn to be smart,
But can only grow to be wise
through experience, experiments,
exposure, and Enlightenment...

We Prefer

2011-10-01T12:42:00.003+08:00

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We always prefer beautiful lies to ugly truth,

Dream to reality,

Sizzling rumours to plain fact,

Superficial to profound,

Complexity to simplicity,

Quantity to quality,
Exterior to interior,
And what meets the eyes to what makes the soul..

U-Turn Again

2011-10-01T12:36:00.001+08:00

There is a song which sings,
"You change your mind,
Like a girl changes clothes..."

This is not to belittle any lady but is meant to be dedicated to our flip-flop Najib who is famous for his backtracking:

1. He promised Bersih the Merdeka Stadium for peaceful rally, and within 24 hours he retracked and said NO.

2. He vowed to scrap the 30% bumiputra's quota, and within 48 hours he claimed he has NEVER said that.

3. He wanted to be the Prime Minister for all and shouted 1Malaysia, but he publicly denied that he is "Malaysian first". He is simply too embarrassed to be a Malaysian.

4. He visited Teoh Beng Hock Family, promising justice and truth. The family wanted Royal Commission, he gave them an Inquest.

5.He said he will repeal ISA, but 2 new draconian laws will be formulated. Under the new law, people can still be detained without trial. Now he said, "Let's leave it till March"...

Yes, Najib, you change your mind,
like a girl changes clothes...

Mary and Pentecost

2011-06-12T11:53:00.003+08:00

Very few of us take notice of Mary's role during Pentecost, the day when the Holy Spirit descended upon Mary and the Apostles.

We dare to call Mary the Mother of God, the Mother of the Church and our Mother, not without valid reasons.

Recalling the Annunciation, after Mary said "Yes" to God's will, she became the first disciple of the Incarnated Word. Mary represented the whole of human race, and was the new Eve that pledged obedience to God. The Holy Spirit overshadowed her and she became the Mother of our Lord.

Now during Pentecost, the Holy Spirit descended upon Mary and the Apostles in tongues of flame. The Church was born, and Mary gave birth to the Church.

Remembering the crucifixion scene, at the foot of the Cross, the Lord said to Mary, "Woman, this is your son." And to John, "This is your Mother." Scripture puts it beautifully that "from then on, the disciple brought her home".

Summing all these, it is rightful to say that Mary is the role model of discipleship and apostleship. And she is the Mother of God, Mother of the Church, and our Mother.

Just like what happened at the Wedding at Cana, Mary will always point us to Jesus, "Listen to Him."

To Jesus, through Mary...

Veni Sancte Spiritus

2011-06-11T14:53:00.000+08:00

Send forth Your Spirit , O Lord,

and renew the face of the earth...

[Source: http://www.bustedhalo.com]

Of Subsidies, Inflation & War on Opium

2011-06-06T12:11:00.006+08:00

In Mandarin, there are two popular terms used in the political world: the politician and the political bastard. And sadly to say in Malaysia, the ruling coalition (the notorious Barisan Nasional, especially the UMNO) is made up of a bunch of political bastards.

The two-faced Najib was telling the people that we should not rely on subsidies. He said that subsidies were opium and that we should learn to live without it. So in his version of opium war, the government has cut certain subsidies, and increased the sugar price, electricity tariff, fuel price etc. In the recent electricity tariff hike, the minister tried to defend the move, saying that 70% of the household would not be affected.

And this morning when I was talking to the lady at the petrol kiosk, I was told that the price of bread has increased: Gardenia wholemeal bread has increased 6.67% from MYR 3 to MYR 3.20, and a small miserable bun has increased 16.67% from MYR 0.60 to MYR 0.70. And walking past a bakery, a notice at the entrance apologized that the bakery has to increase the price of the patries due to recent inflation.

Is this what Najib and his half-past-six government meant by 70% of household would not be affected? What I saw today was just tip of the iceberg!

The war on the so-called opium should start with the government itself.

Stop wasting and abusing public funds. Cleanse yourself from corruption. Stop that stupid bailing-out of your cronies and UMNOputras; stop feeding them with opium first.

Stop the building of mega white-elephant projects including the mega tower (the tombstone for Barisan Nasional's demise). Stop the nonsensical 1Malaysia email account. Stop sending people to space which is a clear waste of money. Stop engaging blacklisted construction company to build the palace.

Stop paying APCO to white-wash your deteriorating reputation. Reveal what is going on with Scorpene, PKFZ and many more scandals. Stop the vote-buying and the gutter politics.

Mr. Najib, there is much more you can do than to watch football matches. Stop fooling around, and start doing something constructive.

You want to defend Putrajaya at all cost? You don't own Putrajaya, neither your father nor UMNO; it was built using our hard-earned money, not yours. We the people will see that Putrajaya is cleansed of political bastards like you!

This is my promise and the promise of many Malaysians out there in the imminent General Election.

What can life offer?

2011-05-31T06:56:00.001+08:00

What can life offer?

God knows.

If you are searching for the deeper meaning of life,

struggling with the greater purpose of existence,

and hungering for ultimate truth,

why not give God a try?

Jesus said,

"I come so that you may have life,

and have it to the full."

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Behold, the journey to new life begins 17th July 2011.

And be sure that the journey will change your life FOREVER.
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~There is no gimmick, no tricks,

no commitment required, and no string attached~

Easter Proclamation

2011-04-24T01:22:00.003+08:00

Every Easter Vigil, I long to hear the priest herald the resurrection of our Lord, singing the Exsultet. The Exsultet is the summary of the history of salvation, the salvation of humankind.

"Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King, is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendour,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes for ever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!
The risen Saviour shines upon you!
Let this place resound with joy,
echoing the mighty song of all God's people!

My dearest friends, standing with me in this holy light,
join me in asking God for mercy,
that He may give His unworthy minister grace to sing His Easter praises.

V. The Lord be with you.
R. And also with you.
V. Lift up your hearts.
R. We lift them up to the Lord.
V. Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
R. It is right to give Him thanks and praise.

It is truly right
that with full hearts and minds and voices,
we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father,
and His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Christ has ransomed us with His blood,
and paid for us the price of Adam's sin
to our eternal Father!

This is our passover feast,
when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,
whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night when first you saved our fathers:
You freed the people of Israel from their slavery
and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is the night when the pillar of fire destroyed the darkness of sin!

This is the night when Christians everywhere,
washed clean of sin
and free from all defilement,
are restored to grace and grow together in holiness.

This is the night when Jesus Christ
broke the chains of death
and rose triumphant from the grave.

What good would life have been to us,
had Christ not come as our Redeemer?

Father, how wonderful Your care for us!
How boundless Your merciful love!
To ransom a slave
You gave away Your Son.

O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam,
which gained for us so great a Redeemer!
Most blessed of all nights, chosen by God
to see Christ rising from the dead!

Of this night Scripture says:
'The night will be as clear as day:
it will become my light, my joy.'

The power of this holy night
dispels all evil, washes guilt away,
restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy;
it casts out hatred, brings us peace, and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed when heaven is wedded to earth
and man is reconciled with God!

Therefore, heavenly Father, in the joy of this night,
receive our evening sacrifice of praise,
Your Church's solemn offering.

Accept this Easter candle,
a flame divided but undimmed,
a pillar of fire that glows to the honour of God.

Let it mingle with the lights of heaven
and continue bravely burning
to dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets find this flame still burning:
Christ, that Morning Star, who came back from the dead,
and shed His peaceful light on all mankind,
Your Son who lives and reigns for ever and ever.

Amen."

Turning Sour

2011-03-16T21:37:00.005+08:00

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Human relationship is like wine. Sometimes, the longer you store, the smoother it becomes. Sometimes, the opposite happens, the wine turns sour and becomes undrinkable.

When a human relationship turns sour, the sweet smile that you used to see, has been replaced with long sour face.

When that day or hour comes, you will know that the wine, though it is a waste, has to be thrown away. When the time comes, you know that you can no longer cling onto old wine. You simply have to let go, you have no choice but to empty the wine bottle so that you can refill with new wine.

When wine has turned sour, it has become vinegar and nothing can make it taste like wine again. You will have to let go and let God.

This is not being cruel, ingratitude or inhuman, life has to move on, and nature will take its course.

And this is what we call life.

I Cannot

2011-03-02T09:09:00.007+08:00

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I cannot tell others to trust, if I have no faith.

I cannot urge others to be hopeful, if I have given up hope.

I cannot love, if I have not been loved.

I cannot be an instrument of peace, if I have no peace within me.

I cannot shine, if I am darkness myself.

I cannot strengthen others, if I am doubtful.

I cannot be humble, if I am engrossed with vain glory.

I cannot be wise, if I refuse to be a fool.

I cannot preach what I have not practised.

I cannot share what I do not have.

I cannot speak what I do not know.

I cannot teach what I do not understand.

I simply cannot do anything,
and simply cannot do anything right

without You...

When Bad Becomes Worse...

2011-02-28T08:58:00.003+08:00

Repetition becomes habit,

Habit becomes nature,

Nature becomes passion,

Passion becomes addicton,

Addiction becomes slavery,

Slavery becomes destiny.

Beginning a "Fresh Start"

2011-02-26T15:25:00.005+08:00

A friend posted a question on his site, "How do you begin a 'fresh start'?"

Starting anew is never new to me. Every now and then, I was inspired to change and started a series of so-called continual improvement plans. And every new year for the past two decades, I came up with new year resolutions.

The interesting part is that my resolutions and plans have not changed much. Certain parts have changed and certain parts remained. And this year, when someone asked me for my year 2011 resolution, I just told him that my new year resolution is the same as last year's.

I guess every year or every now and then, I have wanted a drastic change in the way I live my life, I have wanted to do this and that to make myself a better person but I am still struggling and trying.

What I have learnt through these experiences is that I ought not be overly ambitious about change. Begin a "fresh start" is to start with a small step forward. And that small step will make a whole lot of diffence for without us realizing, we have already taken a giant or more amazingly a quantum leap because of the many small steps we have taken.

To discipline oneself, one can start by going to bed early and waking up early. It sounds easy but in fact it is not. Imagine your alarm is ringing, and you are so tempted to snooze it so that you can sleep for another miserable 5 minutes. You want to sleep early but there is a good show or the football match is on. I see all these as the first step toward self-discipline and self-control, and it is a daily dying to my own self.

A relationship begins with "hi" and smile. That small step will lead to conversations and later heart-to-heart talk. Finally, a friendship is formed. And we hunger for more, we hope to see each other more often. That is when we have common activities together.

A better relationship with God begins with spending 5 to 10 minutes with God daily. Then as time goes by, we hunger for more, we want to see God more frequent, then we commit more time for God. From 5 to 10 minutes a day, we go on to 20 minutes and 30 minutes, and finally we have found ourselves spending time with God 1 hour a day.

We are as if in deep love that even outside prayer, we see burning bushes everywhere, every moment becomes a moment of grace, and every encounter is a touch of God. Our life has become a prayer itself and we have become the answer to someone's prayer.

It all begins with a small step forward. It reminds me of the Wedding in Cana where Mary told the servants who ran out of wine to "listen to him (Jesus)". And they listened and filled the twelve jars with water. That was a small and insignificant deed that anyone could have done. But Jesus transformed the water into good wine.

I believe any small steps that we take, every effort we make for the sake of Christ will not end in vain. God will grace and transform our steps into giant or quantum leap.

Idealism & Faith

2011-02-23T08:54:00.005+08:00

Idealism and faith are two different things all together. Idealism has often been mistaken as faith.

Idealism is a foolish conviction that things will turn out the ways we want them to be. Idealism focuses on the individual self: "My Will be done!". It comes from the rejection of reality and stubbornness to live in a self-painted imaginative world.

Faith is a trust in things that we cannot see yet we dare to believe. It is first a trust in God, an acknowledgement of the harsh reality that lies before us, and a belief that He is with us no matter how dark situations may seem. Faith is simply believing that things will fall in place in the Greater Scheme of things.

Sadly to say, I am very idealistic, and have very little faith.

[Reflection on the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola, annotation 279]

Today in Prayer...

2011-02-18T09:01:00.003+08:00

I am the reason You died;
may You be my reason to live.

[Reflection on the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola, annotation 161 (275)]

Paranormal Activity 3 (Part 1)

2011-01-25T00:56:00.006+08:00

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Guess what? Some friends of mine have experienced hair-raising paranormal activities in this building.

One girl has reported that she heard mysterious screaming one afternoon when she was alone.

Another guy claimed that a "girl" in white blouse was behind him or walked past him.

There was a guy who used to stay there had complained that there were strange noises in the middle of the night. He was so scared that he had to sleep in the surau (the muslim prayer room). And he had to hang the prayer beads on the door knob to ward off evil. When he left Malaysia, he seemed to have purposely left the prayer beads on the door knob.

Now another friend of mine, who completely has no knowledge of what has happened before or the series of events, moved in. And his experience was quite similar to that of the previous guy and maybe even more dramatic!

When it was around 3 or 4am, he was always awakened by people pushing the main door of the unit, walking around, and throwing things around. At first, he thought the noise came from the neighbours until one fine morning, he woke up to discover three droplets of blood on the floor outside his room.

Driven by fear, he was compelled to sleep in the surau. Two nights ago, things seemed to worsen: at around 3 to 4am, he was awakened by loud noise of things being throw around. The noise was so loud that the wooden floor that he was lying on vibrated in resonance!

Petrified, he switched on the light in the small surau, lying on the wooden floor with his face facing the wall and his head covered.

Hearing his sharing, I felt so sorry for him. Could there be a scientific explanation to it? Would it be a possible hoax or just a complete illusion?

From the many sharing that I gathered, could this really be a case of infestation? Is there a ghost, devil or evil force behind the series of paranormal activities?

We might need Sherlock Holmes, Ghost Busters or Scooby Doo here. Till then, the truth is still out there.

Gifts

2011-01-22T12:25:00.005+08:00

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Gifts are God-given. There are many types of gifts, and each of us are gifted differently. Gifts are not meant for one own self, but to be shared with others.

Some are born to have good sense of humour. They are able to bring joy to people around them, and make them burst into laughter.

Some are gifted with tranquility. When people approach them, they can sense and experience peace, calmness and acceptance.

Some are given patience. They are able to remain cool, calm and confident in difficult situations that normal people like you and me would have gone up.

Gifts are meant to be shared. The more we give, the more we receive. It is always in giving that we receive. We can never receive if we are too full (fool) of ourselves.

Recently, I was in a Chinese New Year Party for Myanmarese Kids. As we all know children can be both creative and destructive. And it was a hard time to get them listen to instructions. One reason was that children did not listen to instructions. Another reason was that they did not understand English or Malay.

It was mission impossible to keep them happy and yet having them under control. The entertainers, the emcee and facilitators like me were busy creating an atmosphere of joy, love and acceptance.

I could see despite all these, all who helped the children were helped by the children to see the simplicity of life. Life can be simple yet beautiful if we can be child like and have child-like faith.

There are many gifts but all from God for God is the fountain of all goodness. I am challenged to appreciate my gifts and use them for God's greater glory. May I be the instrument to bring people closer to God.

Year 2011 Begins With A Joke!

2011-01-15T19:33:00.003+08:00

I know I am late in responding but year 2011 has indeed begun with a joke, a joke with the Malaysian Judiciary System.

The coroner inquest for Teoh Beng Hock's mysterious death finally gave the verdict that Teoh's death was neither a suicide nor a murder. It was an open verdict.

Oh gosh, what a joke! So how did he die? Was his death so unimportant that it was not necessary to find out what really happened that fateful morning in MACC building?

How did Teo fall to his death? Malaysians need to know; so do we want to know what happened to Kugan who died in police custody? We demand to know the truth of the gruesome murder of Altantuya & 14-year-old Aminulrasyid who was gunned down by the police.

What really happened? We want the truth and not fabricated stories for cover-ups. But Najib's administration would prefer to sweep everything under the carpet to safeguard its crumbling kingdom.

All these stupidities that are going on reminded me of Genesis Chapter 4 whereby Cain killed his brother Abel out of jealousy.

God asked Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?"

"I do not know," he replied. "Am I my brother's guardian?"

"What have you done?" God asked. "Listen! Your brother's blood is crying out to me from the ground!"

That was what happened in the Old Testament. And today the blood of our innocent brothers and sisters continues to cry out to us.

We the people must see that justice is meted out. Justice must and will prevail.

Live to Eat?

2010-12-26T12:09:00.006+08:00

Would you want to travel for about 7 hours to and fro for a bowl of porridge and a bowl of "pan mee" noodles? I would not. But I know of people who would.

We started the journey at about 8.15am and reached Gua Musang, Kelantan at about 11.30pm for the so-called exotic food.

Gua Musang is famous for its frog. To Chinese, frogs are so common a dish that they are no longer regarded as exotic.

In mornings, frogs are served in porridge and noodles. Only in evenings, frogs are cooked for dinner in different forms and methods. You will find frog soup, dried chilli frog, steamed frog in chicken essence etc.

For this one-day trip, we only managed to eat the frog porridge and "pan mee". The food was delicious but it certainly did not worth the traveling.

For me, we eat to live and not live to eat. Going all out for food is just not my style.

Blessed Christmas!

2010-12-26T08:22:00.003+08:00

My non-Christian friends asked me how I celebrated Christmas.

They were bewildered when I told them that I celebrated Christmas in very simple ways. There were no glittering lights, fancy decorations, gifts, roast turkeys... They were even shocked by the fact that there were no Christmas trees, nor Santa Claus.

Clearly they could not understand how my family and I celebrated Christmas without all these "necessities".

And I had to explain to them time and again what was the difference between faith and culture, worship and practices.

There is no glittering light as compared to Jesus, the Light of the world.

There is no banquet as compared to the banquet of the Lord, the foretaste of the heavenly feast.

When my friend asked me for Christmas gift, I told him that there was no gift as compared to Jesus Christ, the greatest gift from our Father.

There is simply no Christmas without Christ. The celebration of Christmas is not just about the Birth of Christ two thousand years ago. Indeed Christ has come, and in the Memorial Acclamation, we profess that Christ will come again. As we celebrate the Birth of Christ, may we prepare and be ready for His second coming.

And yes, "He will come again in glory, to judge the living and the dead."

Blessed Christmas!

First Time After Five Years

2010-12-15T18:32:00.007+08:00

First time after five years, I am traveling using LRT. If not for my friend, it would not have crossed my mind to use public transport.

This is quite a fun experience, I will say, because at this hour, the train is not packed like sardines.

Inhaling the cool air after conducting one whole day of training, I just want to exclaim, "God is great; life is good!"

When One Is Never Enough...

2010-12-14T21:55:00.006+08:00

As the ministers are trying to reassure the people that the police are doing their jobs well and that the crime rate in Malaysia is under control, I spotted this car in the multi-storeyed car park near my office. For your information, the car park is equipped with CCTVs and guarded by securities. Still the car owner is feeling insecure.

A picture paints a thousand words: it shows the public confidence towards our half past six government, the corrupted and trigger-happy police force, and the hiking crime rate in Malaysia.

And I have a very similar experience. My office is on the second floor and it has a wooden door and an iron grill. To enter my office, I have to unlock two locks on the wooden door and unlock the padlock on the iron grill.

Now the security has been tightened all the more. We have just installed another iron grill at the staircase to the second floor. And this iron grill is protected by two other padlocks.

That is not all! At the entrance to the staircase on ground floor, there is an existing wooden door!

It means to say every morning when I go to office, I have to unlock the wooden door at ground floor. That is the first level security system.

Then half way up the staircase, I am blocked by the second level security system. I will need to unlock two padlocks to go through the iron grill.

When I finally reach the second floor, awaiting me is the wooden door with two locks. After the wooden door is the last iron grill with the final padlock to be removed.

Imagine the hassle of unlocking and locking that I have to go through everyday, when one lock is never enough...

When one lock is never enough, you know how heavy and how big is the bunch of keys I have to carry to work everyday...

Theory Versus Practical

2010-12-13T21:50:00.007+08:00

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It has always been publicly known that the quality of the Malaysian Education System is going down the drain. And embarrassingly I am one of the victim.

My friend while doing his home improvement, has accidentally drilled into the wires concealled in the wall. There was a blackout and even when the damaged wires were reconnected, there was no electricity in the kitchen.

And I thought it was easy and without second thought volunteered to troubleshoot the problem.

When I went over, I panicked looking at the main switchboard. It was a 3-phase system; something new for me. I tried to locate the fuses - where were they? I looked at the box next to the main switchboard, trying to open it up. Then my friend gently pointed out that the box was actually the door bell and not the fuse box - I blushed.

"What's next?" I asked myself. I needed to think. "Okay, let's test the MCBs," I told my friend.

And mind you, that was the most stupid thing that I did for I had no idea at that moment of time. I got my friend to switch on all the lights in the house so that we could identify which MCB controlled which section of the house. And poor thing, my friend had to run up and down to locate which light had been turned off as I switched off the MCB one by one!

And the method of troubleshooting did not give me any clue at all. It made me even more confused. I scratched my head looking at the main switchboard, sweating profusely. It was a warm afternoon.

Then I decided to isolate the problem area. I took my test pen, making sure it could withstand 500kV and tested each output of the MCB. For your information, there was once I blew up my multimeter when I was troubleshooting at the main switchboard at another occasion. Therefore, I learnt my lesson and I double checked before poking the test pen into each slot.

Finally I discovered that there was no incoming at the blue phase. And I suspected the fuse was damaged during the drilling. Still, I was not confident enough. I called up another friend of mine and double confirmed before I pulled out the fuse.

We got the replacement from the hardware shop and I was relieved when the kitchen light came back.

I was thankful that God has given me this opportunity to help and to learn. It reminded me of the creation story whereby God said, "Let there be light." And Isaiah prophesized the coming of Christ saying, "The people who walked in darkness has seen a great light!"

Today, I too have seen a great light. I have seen that I am talented and gifted in one way or another. And I am not as "dumb" as I think I am. All I need is patience to learn and confidence in myself.

Gaudete Sunday

2010-12-12T18:10:00.004+08:00

We celebrate the third Sunday of Advent today. It is also known as Gaudete Sunday. "Gaudete" means joy, joyful or rejoice. It is a day of rejoice after two weeks of waiting because our expectation is not in the nothingness, our lives are not in vain for the Lord is very near and very real.

Today's homily on Mt 11:2-11 has helped me to look at the Gospel text at a deeper level...

John the Baptist lived in the desert, wore garment made of camel-skin, and survived on merely insects (locusts) and wild honey. He was sent to prepare the way of the Lord, preached repentance and proclaimed that the Kingdom of God was at hand. He was the one who publicly promoted Jesus as the "lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world".

Later, when John the Baptist was imprisoned, he heard what Jesus had done and what Jesus had said. Jesus ate with sinners and befriended prostitutes, tax collectors and unclean people. Jesus' words and deeds did not fit into John's image of the Messiah. Therefore John became hesitant and sent his disciples to Jesus to see if Jesus was the One. John wanted to be sure that his work and his life were not in vain.

Sounds familiar? I think we are often worried whether what we are doing is bearing fruit or whether we live in vain. To this, Jesus replied, "Happy is the man who does not lose faith in me." If we keep the faith, our lives will not be in vain; we will bear fruits that last.

Gaudete Sunday talks about joy for the Lord is near. Being joyful does not mean God is present. Manufactured joy or happiness does not last. It is fake and transcient. In no time, we will be thirsting for another dose of false joy to keep us high. God is not there.

Only God's presence can bring genuine joy. May all of us be aware of God's loving presence and that His love is greater than our sins.

Amen, amen.

Happy Meal

2010-12-11T11:34:00.004+08:00

A simple, healthy but delicious spiral pasta for a beautiful Saturday morning.

I boiled the pasta together with the baby carrots until cooked. I drained the pasta and while it is still hot, I melted cheddar cheese, mixed in a mashed hard-boiled egg, tuna flakes and some cherry tomatoes.

The seasoning? I did not use any salt. I just sprinkled some mixed herbs and coarse black pepper to taste.

It tasted yummy. And it is a simple recipe for bachelor like me.

Stereotyping?

2010-12-08T22:52:00.006+08:00

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I was very amused reading from Malaysian Insider an article titled "Study Claims Married Men Nicer, Better Behaved".

Ha, such profound insights!

I scrolled down to read and it said, "By the age of 29, unmarried man has an average of 1.3 antisocial behaviours, compared with 0.8 among married man."

So I am antisocial then. It could be true huh?

It reminded me of another scenario when a 17-year-old boy asked me how I survived so long without marriage or sex. And he even jokingly called me "old virgin"!

In one TV show aired a couple of years back, a woman was lamenting that "good men are hard to find: they are all married; or else they must be either priests or gay."

So at my age, I am an antisocial "old virgin" who is either a priest or gay. Oh gosh, I am so beyond redemption!

New Resolution

2010-12-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

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It dawned on me today that I have not been treating myself well. Looking back for the past few months, I have not been eating well i.e. eating healthily.

I have allowed myself be tempted & have consumed a lot of "sinful" food. To justify my lack of will power and to clear my conscience, I gave many lame excuses.

Seeing my unhealthy eating habit and the potential risks of eating hawker or fast food, it is time for me to make simple yet balance meals for my own self.

I must love myself more and treat my body better.

Disaster Strikes!

2010-09-21T19:38:00.003+08:00

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I remember telling someone that life is full of surprises. We often think that we have a control over life and we make sure that we do not take uncalculated risk. We plan our work and life carefully so that all things fall in place according to our wish. Our will be done!

Last Friday, I was in the office preparing training materials until 1am. And I worked through the weekends to prepare for this week's training. And I thought everything was under control.

Terror seized me today when my office told me that I was referring to the wrong training materials. I panicked. I felt regret, anger, resentment & anxiousness so terrible that I almost exploded.

It was indeed no use crying over spilt milk. With much difficulty, I braced myself to accept the reality and to face it no matter how reluctant I was.

The photostating of materials took 2 hours to complete and the photocopy shop has to extend the working hour because of me. At least the training materials are ready.

After dinner I will need to go through the slides and plan my training accordingly.

What a joke? And life is indeed full of surprises. I thank God for giving me His grace to control my bitterness. I almost lashed out at my colleague and poor thing, she is innocent.

Of Thorns & Flesh

2010-08-26T00:19:00.005+08:00

It was thorny on the outside, but the flesh tasted so good. It has been quite some time since I last tasted good durians.

The last time I bought durians from Tapah, 90% of the durians were infested with worms.

This time at the stall, we feasted happily without thinking of what durians could do to us and our throats. Eat first, think later!

Back home, I gulped down gallons of water, brushed my teeth and cleaned my mouth but the durian smell persisted. Hope that my customer would like my durian perfume tomorrow.

Whatever it is, I do not mind going back to eat again. I have never known that durians can be so tempting.. Oh gosh, they are simply irresistable!

Heart of Stone? Or Heartless?

2010-08-23T19:16:00.003+08:00

In front of the relatives, the son scolded the mother, "If you dare to go to New Zealand (for vacation), I will burn all your stuffs!"

The mother tried her best to hide her tears, but the son continued mercilessly, "Hey, look at me when I talk to you!"

It was told that this was not uncommon. Like father like son, both treated the mother worse than a maid.

The mother was diagnosed with weak heart and was told to keep her emotions in control or she might suffer a heart attack. To her utter dismay, when she revealed the news, both the father and son told her off, asking her to stop pretending.

Something is definitely very wrong here.. Are they having hearts of stone? Or just heartless?

Uncle?

2010-08-21T09:30:00.004+08:00

A seventeen-year-old called me "uncle" yesterday. I was terribly amused and wondering what that could mean.

I did not find that as an insult but immediately "retorted" jokingly, "Oh, for heaven's sake, please don't call me uncle; I am not that old!"

Later, I realized that he actually addressed everyone "uncle". It was nothing but his way to show respect to people elder than him.

The lesson learnt is that we should never take a word or phrase out of its context - always look at the bigger picture, the macro view. The world is not as complicated as we think...

Watched in Muar

2010-08-19T17:57:00.003+08:00

And love is like oxygen...

(Picture taken from www.)

Yesterday & Yesteryears

2010-08-19T16:25:00.015+08:00

Yesterday reminded me of the yesteryears,

bringing back memories of the past;

yesteryears re-appeared yesterday,

vividly as if things happened yesterday.

Relationships that worked,

relationships that failed to work,

relationships that ceased to work,

relationships that would never work...

All in a big bowl of "pan" mee,

that filled my tummy,

and trust me,

the curry and the mee,

they tasted yummy.

(UKM "Pan" Mee)

Customer Satisfaction

2010-08-18T13:46:00.008+08:00

I guess the last thing you would want to do is to annoy your customer. I always believe myself is a good customer who is less fussy and does not really complain.

However nice a person I can be, sometimes service providers can test your patience and drive you up the wall.

My worst experience was with Air Asia, the so-called "everyone-can-fly" company. The online ticket booking system, on one fine week, was under upgrading and was not functioning. I had no other choice but to go to the Low Cost Carriage Terminal (LCCT) to buy the ticket on the same day I had to fly to Sarawak.

Upon arrival, the Sales Counter was completely flooded with such long queue that it took me almost two hours to grab a ticket. My flight was at 6.30pm. To my horror, announcement had it that the 6.30pm flight was "rescheduled" to 9.30pm due to traffic congestion. Oh gosh, that was not the first time this excuse was told and flight delay had already become a byname for Air Asia.

That was it, I told myself. You can image how tired, anxious and nerve-wrecking to waste four to five hours in the airport.

A week later, I received a survey form from Air Asia. And I believe you can expect what comments I would put in. Well then again, one month has passed and my survey form has fallen to a deaf ear, a blind eye and a tied tongue. And this is how customers are treated since Air Asia has kind of monopolize the market.

If I have alternatives, I will not want to fly with Air Asia again. And since I have a choice, I have terminated the Maxis mobile services. And using the same analogy, you know what I am going to do with Najib and his bunch chorus boys.

So be warned: customers have great memories and we will do the right thing at the right time.

(I-City)

Close Shave

2010-07-27T17:27:00.007+08:00

It was about 11pm and I have just left the Low Cost Carriage Terminal (LCCT), cruising down South to Johor Bahru to meet client the following day.
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I must have been very exhausted after the flight, and I must have dozed off a second or two while driving. When I regained my consciousness, a meter ahead of my car was a slow moving trailer. I was tremendously terrified at the sight of the trailer in front. Cruising at a speed of 110km/h and crashing into such gigantic trailer would surely be a huge disaster for me. If my car was to crashed into the trailer, my car would have gone straight into its belly and I would be either dead or severely injured.

The fear of such horrific death gripped me. I panicked and without second thought stepped on the brake as hard as I could. My whole body froze while braking: I pushed my whole body backward, with my arms straight to keep my head away from the steering wheel.

I could hear the screeching of the tyres with black smoke rising from underneath. The wheels went out of control, swaying from left to right, right to left; and I tried my best to regain control over the car and the situation.

My car finally swerved to the right, landed on the fast land and came to a complete stop. I was fortunate enough for not hitting the trailer in front of me, landed on the fast lane without hitting into the divider, and furthermore, the coast was clear and I was not hit by the car coming from behind. I have escaped both the frying pan and the fire!

I survived the potential tragedy by the skin of the teeth and I was indeed grateful that the Lord has been merciful to me. It was a close shave and was glad that I was still alive.

(Floral Fest 2010, Putrajaya)

Taking “Light” Lightly

2010-05-27T18:14:00.007+08:00

I found this interesting excerpt from the book named, “Capturing the Light” by Steve Meltzer.

“We live in a light-filled world that we mostly taken for granted. All too easily we become inured to our surroundings, hurrying everywhere and hardly noticing the various and beautiful ways that light illuminates our daily life. Yet every once in a while we come face to face with something like a huge tropical sun sitting over the ocean, or mist-filled morning sunrise, perhaps even light streaming through a window, and for a moment it reawakens our appreciation of light.

Light has always been fascinating. It changes constantly with the time of the day, the season of the year, the weather, and even with location. Its variety is infinite, wondrous, and always surprising.”

The excerpt resonates with the Gospel according to John 8: 12, where Jesus proclaims that He is the Light of the world… and whoever follows Him will have the light of life… never to walk in darkness...

I am reminded of my spiritual blindness towards to goodness of life: how I am inured to my everyday life, living for the sake of living.

But now, I am invited to stop dwelling in my own shadow but to turn my face to the Light, trust the Light, be comfortable with the Light and to walk in the Light.

Courtesy is the Best Policy

2010-04-18T17:26:00.009+08:00

Once, a potential client called in and asked whether my company provides training on “Telephone Conversation Skills”.

The enquiry brought to light the simple fact that though technology has advanced rapidly, we humans have yet to cope with its impacts in our lives. We have telephones and mobile phones, yet we do not have the skills in proper communication.

I have quite a number of bad experiences with telephone and telephone conversation.

There was once I was extremely busy, and my hand phone rang. I picked up and told the caller (my friend) that it was office hour and I was rushing off for something. But being very inconsiderate, the caller had no intention of hanging up, and he continued to joke around asking questions like, “Why are you so busy?”, “Are you sure you are busy?”, “Why every time I call, you are busy?”, or even “Is it because you do not want to talk?”…

On another occasion, it was past office hour, but I was still in the office, frantically trying to finish off my last bit of work. The caller questioned, “Why are you still in the office? Are you really that hardworking?”

There were even instances whereby people called me up and told me, “I do not want to call you, but I am in a traffic jam (and I need entertainment)…” Sounds ironic, but this is true.

Some called and asked straightaway, “Where are you?” Oh come on, I have not made any appointment with you and I do not have to report to you my whereabouts. By the way, since when the mobile phone has become a remote control device?

Another experience was one fine day when I checked my list of missed calls after a meeting: there were 20 over missed calls from the same person within few hours’ time; but the caller has nothing urgent or important. I wonder whether it is necessary to make 20 over phone calls (at an average of one phone call every five to ten minutes) to make his or her presence felt?

I believe we do not need special skills in telephone conversation. All we need is the little courtesy no matter whom we talk to. We ought to respect the person even though he or she is your bosom friend. Courtesy is still the best policy.

(From top to bottom:
Bintulu Old Air Port;
Gateway to St. Anthony's Church, Bintulu;
Bintulu marketplace;
Garden in St. Anthony's Church, Bintulu;
Bintulu roundabout)

Fragility of Life

2010-04-17T12:13:00.007+08:00

His Dad had cancer seven years ago; and his Mum has been diagnosed with cancer lately. And my one of my uncle passed away the night before Holy Thursday. A week later another uncle of mine was admitted to the hospital. I was talking over the phone with Mum, and I could feel what she had gone through, having to face fear, pain, suffering and death.

It made me wonder how fragile life is: like a flame on a cake, with only a puff of wind; it is extinguished with insignificant trace of smoke vanishing into thin air. And the candle wax, in no time cooled down and hardened into total lifelessness.

On Holy Thursday, three generations were sitting side by side at the pew. To my left was a small boy aged about 5; to my right, an old uncle aged probably 80 years old. It came to me that I was once as small as the 5-year-old kid on my left, stubborn and mischievous. And I was growing and aging, and in no time, I would be in my sixties, seventies or if God willed, eighties.

Time and tide wait for no man.

“What is life all about?” remains unanswered. I believe I can only fully comprehend the meaning of life until I finally meet God face to face. What I am to expect, I truly do not know. Reflecting on my childhood, my schooling years, my campus life and my current state of life, I find my image of God keeps changing. I guess the changing image of God comes into picture because I am growing in relationship with the Lord. Perhaps that is also what life is all about: life is about being dynamic and not static, being creative yet being faithful.

There is so much to learn from life and from its fragility. It is never easy to be human and to be fully human. Teach me, Lord.

(New Office, Johor Bahru)

2010 Easter Triduum Mass Time

2010-04-01T15:36:00.002+08:00

Mad Cow

2010-01-21T23:52:00.006+08:00

37.4 degree Celsius; and that was my body temperature.

And my suspicion was right: I was having mild fever for I could feel the pain at my joints and aches in the muscles. And to make things worse, I had stomach upset and mild diarrhoea.
Without a doubt, my body was reacting towards certain foreign substance within. It must be food poisoning. This whole detoxification or purging process hurt.

This was definitely the result of eating expired “Laughing Cow” cheese. I thought the cheese was still edible for it has just expired for one day.

This was what happened to me when my lovely “Laughing Cow” had become “Mad Cow”.

(Kiku Zakura, Berjaya Time Square)

Arson Attack

2010-01-21T23:46:00.002+08:00

It was Sunday. Yes, I was in the office on Sunday doing my work when suddenly there was an explosion, followed by a blackout. The main switch had tripped and the emergency lights were on. There was a strong burning smell resulted by the explosion.

Upon inspection, the explosion was caused by the wiring of one of the fluorescent light. Well for me, it was not uncommon to experience such explosion.

I gazed upon the fluorescent tube and caught sight of orange flickers. The orange flickers too seemed like the harmless orange flickers in any fluorescent tube during start-ups.

Then second thought came to me: there should not be any orange flickers since the electricity had been cut off – where had this flicker come from? I became more suspicious and I strained my eyes to find out what exactly was happening.

Much to my horror, I saw flame, yes flame and the flame was spreading at an alarming speed. The psychologist would tell you that when a man was pressured, he would either fight or flight. That was proven true as I did think of running for my life because I was at a loss.

Fire extinguisher came to my mind but it was last serviced in year 2004 and we had just finished celebrating New Year 2010. I knew I must act fast or the whole office would be engulfed by the blaze that was started off by the explosion.

Water, I must get water. I grasped my water tumbler in one hand and considering my height, a chair in the other. Standing on the chair, I splashed on the flame with the little water that I had.

With God’s grace, the flame was successfully extinguished with a hiss. Still standing on the chair, I peeped into the opening for quite some time to ensure that the flame would not return.

Though the flame was insignificantly small but it had shaken me up, made its presence felt and left its burning mark on the ceiling. I was glad I survived another challenge. And reflecting on the incident, I hope I would be like the flame, in the positive sense, though I am insignificantly small and my life is short, I would be able to make the best out of it, imparting love, impacting lives, and leave a mark in people’s hearts.

(Note: Water is not encouraged to be used if the electricity is not cut off.)

Holy Day Vs Holiday

2009-12-31T23:34:00.004+08:00

I wonder why the world is crazy over Christmas. Do they really know what they are celebrating about? Do they know the significance behind the whole celebration? And it was an eye opener for me to realize that even Christians did not really know what Christmas was all about when I attended the Christmas Day Mass in Penang.

My jaw dropped when this particular song was sung during the Eucharistic Celebration; and I wondered whether the choir really knew the meaning of the song. The song sang about Christmas as a holiday, a time for mistletoe and wine, a time for merry making, a time to dream about Santa and the gifts on the tree…

Now leave the world aside, what does Christmas mean to us Christians? Singing that song was not wrong but singing it during a Eucharistic Celebration and during the Holy Communion was totally unacceptable.

Can you imagine when we are receiving Jesus into our hearts during Communion but at that same time we are dreaming of Santa Claus and the gifts on the tree. Can you imagine celebrating the Mass with the Bread and Wine, yet our minds are busy thinking of merry making, the mistletoe and the party wine?

It is time for us to make distinctions between:

1) Bread and Wine versus mistletoe and wine

2) Praying versus partying

3) Giving versus gifts

4) Holy Day versus holiday

5) Jesus the Christ versus Santa Claus

Christmas is not about partying, merry making, getting drunk, exchanging gifts, shopping, or Santa Claus. Christmas is a day of remembrance of the birthday boy who was born unto us about two thousand years ago. Christmas is about Jesus, the Son of God coming into our world and our life, being born in great poverty, in the indecent state of a stable filled with foul stench of animals. There was no snow, no glittering lights, no roast turkey, no wine, no mistletoe, no gifts, and definitely no Santa Claus… Christmas is about Jesus coming to die. There is no greater love like this than to give up one’s life for another person. Until we Christians understand what Christmas is all about, we continue to reinforce that Christmas is just another holiday.

Christmas is a celebration of God’s love for the world, a celebration of our sharing in the divinity of Christ who humbled himself to share in our humanity, a celebration of a God who dies for us so that we may live. This is Christmas.

(Company Christmas Dinner 2009)

Carelessness Can Be Contagious

2009-11-12T18:13:00.005+08:00

If I did not stop by on the highway for a breather at Rawang rest area, I would not have discovered that I have left my wallet back in Ipoh, about hundred over kilometres away. All important documents such as my identity card, driving license and bank cards were left behind. To my utter dismay, I did not have a single cent with me! You guess is as good as mine: what was I to do?

At that moment of time, I thought God has played a joke on me or something. I remembered vividly that I have put my wallet safely into my pocket and no way would it slip out… And at that moment, I was frantically searching my car, my luggage and bags, hoping that miracles would happen. Well, miracles did not really happen the way I have wanted it to.

I was between the devil and the deep blue sea: I was at my wit’s end because I could not make a U-turn back to Ipoh which was about a hundred kilometres away; neither could I continue my journey because I would not have money to pay the toll! I was literally stranded in the middle of nowhere.

It paid off to remain cool, calm and confident. There is a saying that if the problem can be solved with money, it is not really a problem. To some extent, the theory proved to be right at that miserable time and space. I managed to get a friend to meet me up at the Restoran Jejantas rest area. Generously, he handed me MYR 200 so that I could survive the week until I managed to retrieve my wallet and my bank cards. At the Burger King restaurant, we celebrated our friendship and my misfortune.

On Saturday of that same week, the very friend that rescued me from “temporal damnation” called me up grumbling that he has missed his flight to Sibu. He mistook the arrival time at Sibu as the departure time from Kuala Lumpur!

And my friend jokingly blamed me for having infected him with my virus. The virus was not deadly but costly. We laughed at our stupid mistakes.

And yes, carelessness can be contagious.

P/S: After the incident, when I looked back at what has actually taken place, I was amazed at my being at peace despite things have gone terribly and unexpectedly wrong. The little trust that was with me assuring things would be under control kept me sane. If that was not a miracle or God’s Providence, I did not know how to term it.

(Guilin, China)

Dogma

2009-10-20T19:21:00.006+08:00

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I was told a church worker reprimanded the university students during one of their gatherings when the students questioned about the existence of God and the image of God. He left the students with no choice, “You must believe in God. You should not question!” And if I have my facts correct, the church worker was also deliberately branding the students as “confused & lost group”.

Oh gosh, since when we have returned to the dark ages where no one was supposed to question the church teaching or church authority? The whole incident reminded me of Galileo Galilei who spent the rest of his life under house arrest for supporting heliocentrism publicly. In those days, the church sanctioned geocentrism whereby there was a common belief that the earth was the centre of the universe. And when Galileo upheld heliocentrism, the Church felt challenged and reacted towards the critical thinker.

After the long stretch of history that the Church is shameful of, the Church learnt from her past sins, moved forward and changed for the better. It was a constant purification that the Church was undergoing: the Church has learnt to be more inclusive and open towards critics and critical thinkers.

The intention of the church worker might mean well. But it would not help the students in their search for truth. We have often blamed it on the Malaysian education system that is churning out more and more brainless robots. In search for truth, it always involves critical thinking, constant questioning, tireless searching, continuous sieving and frequent verification or validation. When we stop the students from thinking and questioning, we are interrupting the learning process and depriving the Church of intellectuals.

I believe the so-called church worker has yet to read, understand and learn from the history of the Church. I feel sorry for the university students. They are like sheep without shepherd now.

(Floral Fest 2009, Putrajaya)

Flasher

2009-10-20T17:48:00.008+08:00

Flasher? Yes, and what are you thinking?

My senior and I were travelling along the North South Expressway and there ahead of us was a police car. The police car was slow but it was using the fast lane.

Normally what people would do on a highway was to flash at the car ahead, signalling the car in front to give way. However this time, the scenario was different, my senior was hesitant to flash at the police in front of us.

I guess the hesitation was due to irrational fear towards the police in Malaysia. I believe the phobia of police do haunt most Malaysians because to certain extent, most of us have bad encounter with the policeman for one reason or another.

Since young, my parents would scare me whenever I was naughty or when I was crying to stop my misbehaviour or the police would come and arrest me, putting me in the lock-up where I would spend the rest of my life eating curry rice. And I guess psychologically, we still have problem overcoming our childhood trauma.

Well then, when grew older, we discovered that the police force has continuously disappointed us in one way or another. The public image of police force is often tarnished with corruption, abuse of power, ineffectiveness and inefficiency…

There are constant calls for reform within the police force. But in order for the police to do so, the ruling party (in this case UMNO) who controls the police force will have to undergo reform first. And in order for UMNO to change, we the people will have to press for change. Everything is interlinked and the change begins with us.

Though the road towards reform is as far apart as heaven is from the earth, we have to start somewhere, we have to start somehow, and we have to start something. I pray that I will live to see that day.

P/S: And according to Malaysian Insider, Inspector General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan’s contract has just been renewed for his “excellent” job.
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[Read http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/40922-igps-contract-renewed-because-of-excellent-job]

(Floral Fest 2009, Putrajaya)

Kettle

2009-10-09T18:42:00.006+08:00

Q: What is an electrical kettle without its power cord?

A: It is no longer an electrical kettle. Without the power cord that supplies electricity, it has become another stainless steel water container used to store water.

In the same way, if I have lost my sense of purpose, I will no longer be the unique “me”. I am just like the mass out there wandering without any sense of direction, not knowing what to do with my own life.

(walking around Guilin in one day)

Betrayal

2009-10-09T18:11:00.006+08:00

It was a seeming slip-of-the-tongue. But I was not an idiot.

A & B seemed to be very close friends. And it was hard to imagine B would just give A a stab in the back until that day I saw it with my own eyes and heard with my own ears. A trusted B but B without any hesitation, traded A’s trust for personal gain.

I shuddered at the thought that someone would just get close to me, win my trust in order to destroy me. In the case of A and B, B was clearly trying to trample upon A in order to gain the upper hand.

The moral of the story is that it is good to trust but not too trusting. As Selangor State Assembly Speaker Teng Chang Kim puts it, “With such a ‘friend’ (who betrays), there is no need for enemy” because the so-called friend is more unpredictable and frightening than the enemy. You just do not know when to expect a stab from this “friend” of yours.

(Moon Hill, Yangshuo, China)

Take It?

2009-10-02T19:42:00.007+08:00

Yes, I know. I am still dwelling on Sunday because last Sunday was so extraordinarily ordinary.

It was during the Eucharistic Celebration, when the hymn was sung. I could not remember exactly the whole lyric but then “Take My Feet” and “Take My Eyes” were sung…

I wondered what “Take My Feet” and “Take My Eyes” would mean. It reminded me of another occasion where the song actually asked the Lord to “break me”. Sudden fear gripped me. And it was intriguing whether the rest would really reflect on what they prayed.

“What if the Lord is to take my feet and my hand but not using them?” Would I still be faithful?

I hope to have the courage to pray and mean what St Ignatius prayed and meant, “Take all that I have and I am… to be disposed according to Your will.”

(walking around Guilin in one day)

Waking Up

2009-10-02T18:55:00.004+08:00

I know. It was Sunday and today is Friday.

I woke up last Sunday from my slumber to a hopeful morning. The hope was so strong that the minute I opened my sleepy eyes, I felt fully energized, in the spiritual sense. I suddenly felt the strength that “I could do all things with Him who strengthens me…”

The words of St. Francis of Assisi suddenly came to my mind, “Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

It was the first day of the week. It was a positive thought to start the week. It was a hectic week. Though six days has passed, the strength is still with me. And I am grateful to the Giver: it is good to "wake up".

(Shangri-La, Yangshuo, China)

How Far Can You Go?

2009-10-02T18:43:00.005+08:00

Shaking my head, I frowned at the sight of this particular car swerving in and out, trying to cut the queue on the already-very-congested road.

After half an hour on the near-to-stand-still road, the car was still in front of me despite his many attempts to be ahead of all other cars.

“Is that the fastest you can go?” I smiled to myself.

“Does it worth all the swerving in and out?”

“As long as I can see your back, you are not that fast after all…”

(Long Ji, China)

Simply Delicious

2009-09-22T13:37:00.005+08:00

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We slurped down the freshly steamed baby octopus and the melt-in-the-mouth chicken feet.

The elastic and springy octopus went along well with the unique sweet, sour and spicy groundnut sauce. Not to forget the chicken feet (also known as “phoenix claws”)! It was a thrill to bite off a portion of the claw, suck the well-marinated skin from the bone and feel the skin slowly melt in the mouth before swallowing the essence down the throat.

There was no need of words nor gestures, the facial expression of my Johor colleague was sufficient to reaffirm the simple fact that Ipoh’s food is simply delicious.

Silence

2009-09-17T18:06:00.015+08:00

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At the wood carving stall, the beauty of Chinese Language was at its peak and we were all gripped by the mighty strokes of the Chinese calligraphy. The craftsmanship was simply amazing and every stroke was like “passing clouds flowing water”.

The masterpieces, carved with Chinese sayings, were lying around and hung around. All the art pieces were in simple yet wise Chinese saying, short but sweet. Each bore a powerful message.

A simple word of
“静” or “silence” showed how much we desired to find peace within ourselves. And “宁静致远”, which means “in silence can we see far”, told so much of what we have been practicing for the past two years in Ignatian Spirituality.

It is never easy to be silent and to tame the restless heart. And after two years of Ignatian Spirituality, we are still struggling with silence. Silence can be frightening. The movies like “Dead Silence”, “Silence of the Lamb” and so forth suggest that we are simply afraid of silence, and we are afraid of our own selves.

As I mediated on the Two Standards: the standard of Lucifer and the standard of Christ as proposed by the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola, I saw my own unworthiness.

In the silence, I felt the two movements within me. I wanted to do good, to change my way of life, to be a better person, and to take up the standard of Christ, but I found the evil side of me trying to justify my own actions. I consoled myself saying “it is just a small thing”, “it is okay to do this”, “maybe it is not wrong after all to do such thing”, “it seems harmless”…

When I was back from Guilin, I thought the one-week break would be able to cut me and detach me from my old way of living life. But the truth was that when I wanted to move closer to God, the obstacles seemed more apparent and daunting.

In silence, I saw
myself and the movements. Am I willing to move forward and do something about it? The silent journey towards perfect spiritual poverty continues.

And the psalmist prays, “Be still and know that I am God…”

[Reflection on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola, Annotation 136 - 147]

(Shangri-La, Yangshuo, China)

Two Plus Two

2009-08-20T19:05:00.006+08:00

Muar is not a big town.
. I was there and it was quite an experience walking down the street alone in the evening. The streets were quiet as dusk fell. The cars and crowds were much lesser as compared to KL or PJ. I felt serenity within and there was a yearning for simplicity such as these.
.
How I wish my life can be less complicated without the constant pursue of things that I do not really want or need…
.The scenery, the people, and the food here were pleasantly soothing to mind, heart and soul. It was like taking a pause to breathe again…

(Muar, Johore)

It Fits The Whole World

2009-08-20T18:54:00.005+08:00

It was evening.

Woman: Since you are throwing rubbish, please do me a favour…

Man: Yes, anything?

Woman: You are authorized to open my (hand)bag.

Man: ??

Woman: Please find the polystyrene food container (my lunch box) inside my (hand)bag and help me throw it.

Man: !!

Interesting, fascinating and intriguing…

What else can not be found inside a woman’s handbag?

It can fit the whole world!

(Pictures taken from www.)

Clean & Unclean

2009-08-06T18:50:00.014+08:00

Define “clean” & “unclean”.

My version of “clean” means there could be certain allowable dust or dirt; but things or environment must be free of bacteria or viruses. I can be a paranoid when it comes to fighting bacteria or viruses, to the extent that I have to ensure the scouring pad, table cloth etc be properly disinfected at regular intervals.

I was regarded as unclean last week when I was suffering from flu. Due to the abrupt change of weather and the lack of water intake, I was suffering from dehydration and running nose. I was literally sneezing and trying to block the oozing flow of mucus from my nostrils. And even friends covered their nose with hand or even hair, keeping me at arm’s length for fear of getting infected by the disease.

Reading Iris’ blog and looking at people around me, I knew I was not alone. Many were infected with flu, fever and some were even suspected to have contracted A-influenza. The challenging part has yet to come. I needed to meet up with customers; I have got customers to attend to.

Last Wednesday, I went to my client’s factory and was stopped by the security guard and was asked to declare my health status. I struggled within me, whether to be honest and tell them that I had flu or to remain silent about it. I might not be allowed to enter the premise if I told them that I had flu, I told myself. Then I realized that I could not be so selfish and in addition, I did not think I could hold my breath any longer and abstain myself from sneezing.

I admitted that I had flu, was asked a few questions and was lucky enough to be granted an entry. However I was required to wear a facial mask.

And there before my client for about an hour or so, I was masked. I had to conduct my presentation with my nose and mouth covered. It was so inconvenient to speak with a mask on, and it was so difficult to breath, and it was distracting to keep adjusting the mask so that it would not fall off.

At the end of the presentation, the facial mask was wet with my sweat, saliva and the mucus… Gosh, I could not wait to flee to clean my face. And the client was courteous enough to sit patiently until the presentation and discussion ended.

Yeah, health is wealth. Sometimes I tend to think that I am invincible. Such experience has somehow prompted me to take my health more seriously. And now I feel “clean” again…

(Italiannies, Mid Valley Megamall)

Malaysia Boleh?

2009-08-02T18:21:00.014+08:00

The other day in the office, I received a phone call from a local university. They were seeking for ways to improve their university. I was overjoyed since the man from this university who called showed interest in my company.

I explained to him my company, the services that we provide and further elaborated on the approach that we would deploy in improving their current practices. And I thought I had made an impression on him.

At the end of the conversation, he wanted more information from me about my company and the improvement plans. To which, I was very glad and I assured him that we were available for further discussion at his convenience at his premise.

He then asked, “Is your company a bumiputra (Malay based) company?” At that, I was shocked and it took me a couple of seconds to re-gather my thoughts. I told him straight in the face that my company was not a bumiputra company. From the way, he put it; I knew for sure my company would not be able to get the project.

I remember when Barrack Obama was elected as the first US black president, everyone in Malaysia was overjoyed. But the idea of having a Prime Minister of other race in Malaysia was, without second thought, rejected. And I was told, "Because you guys have not been circumcized!"

Up there, Najib is using the empty slogan “1 Malaysia”. The slogan sounds nice but without a soul for he himself together with his little napoleons are still exercising race-based politics and using divide-and-rule tactics.

Malaysia boleh?

Sure or not…

We still have a long way to go.

(Pedas-Linggi)

Finding God In Badminton

2009-08-02T17:17:00.007+08:00

In a badminton doubles, it always amazes me because a pair of players has to display good teamwork and superb skills in order to gain the upper hand. I wonder how they communicate with each other during the game when the shuttlecock is flying around. They hardly talk, nor gesture; yet they understand each other well as if they can read each other’s mind. They know when they must strike and when to let their partner make the move. They trust each other.

Today, I see myself teaming with God in a badminton game. God is on my side. The shuttlecock is rocketing to our territory. There are times that God will strike because the shuttlecock is somehow out of my reach. There are times He knows that I can stop the advancing of the shuttlecock, and therefore He leaves it to me. He knows my capabilities: He will not leave the shuttlecock to me if I cannot handle it.

Sometimes, I have acted or reacted towards threats as if I am alone, as if there is no God. I have not trusted Him. I am sceptical that His grace is enough for me.

Now, I must do what I can do. What I cannot, I need to let go, knowing that it is time for God to make His move, and be confident that God will act. I must know my Partner and learn to trust my Partner as He has known me and trusted me.

(Teh Tarik on Theology: In All Things, Find God)

Point of Divergence

2009-07-22T13:46:00.007+08:00

I was travelling on familiar road and I was overly confident with myself. Little did I realize that development had caught up fast enough, and the road system had changed since my last travelling on that road.

The road had been modified to diverge before the toll gate. And my car, in full throttle, sped past and overshot at the divergence point. I was supposed to be on the left lane, go through the toll gate and after another 2km’s drive, to take the left exit.

My missing the turning had caused much inconvenience. I was on the right lane, separated from the left lane by the road divider. I cursed in anguish, looking at the exit that I was supposed to take. The exit was so near yet so far.

A miss was as good as a mile; there was no turning back. I was on near-to-empty tank. With God’s grace, I managed to travel approximately 20km to reach the nearest town, pump petrol and make an about turn.

We humans tend to make mistakes. Some are simply due to overconfidence and carelessness. However certain mistakes can be too costly to make. A detour in life can take years to recover; and I might not afford it. I am not that young anymore.

(Sapa, Vietnam)

Osteoporosis, Brittle Bones & Sprained Knee

2009-07-20T18:54:00.003+08:00

My Mum slipped while washing the bathroom and sprained her knee. She suffered from pain and had problem lifting her leg few days ago.

My fear was not baseless. She has brittle bones due to osteoporosis; and her bone density was pretty low.

I could not imagine if she had fallen and hurt herself seriously: she could be moaning in pain, or remained unconscious till evening when my Dad or younger brother returned home.

After the X-ray scan, it was a relief to know that no bone was mashed or broken.

Currently she is on medication and is fast recovering. At her age, she can be very fragile.

(Garden of Eden)

An Inconvenient Truth

2009-07-17T01:33:00.008+08:00

Teoh Beng Hock was 30 years old, one year elder than me.

He was supposed to get married today.

However, he was taken in by the Malaysian Anti Corruption’s Commission (MACC) to aid investigation. And he fell to his death next to the MACC office yesterday.

He left behind his devastated fiancée and family members.

The MACC director of investigations Datuk Mohd Shukri said that Teoh was a witness but not a suspect. But he was taken in for questioning from 5PM to 3.45AM the next day. To quote Elizabeth Wong, even the police are not authorized to interrogate suspects after 6PM. And what is more, Teo was, in Shukri’s own word, a witness and not a suspect. Who do MACC officers think they are?

Public opinion has viewed that the MACC is one of the pawns in the series of political persecution of the Pakatan Rakyat.

Now his death was shrouded with much suspicion. He has got a bright future. He has so much to contribute to the society.

His death sends chills down my spine. What has become of Malaysia? Is this a mere accident? A suicide attempt? Or a cold-blooded murder?

There are many more alleged tortured-to-death cases both in police custody and in prison, reported and unreported. And now at MACC. Why? Have all these people no right to live? All Malaysians want to know, and deserve to know. But we will never come to know the real truth for truth can now be fabricated: inconvenience can be made convenient; lies can be twisted to become truths.

His death is not the first; neither will his be the last… So who is next?

May his soul rest in peace.

[Further readings:
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/32490-ean-yongs-political-secretary-dead-at-macc-hq-
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/32514-teoh-supposed-to-marry-tomorrow
http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/32505-ean-yong-demands-macc-take-full-responsibility-for-death-]

(Top: taken from "The Malaysian Insider"; bottom: Danga Bay, Johor Bahru)

Woman of Great Faith

2009-07-12T10:30:00.003+08:00

She was 70 over years old, and she has to cycle back to her house after Evening Mass at the Chapel.

It was about 10PM and it was dark out there; the streets were dimly lit. The wind was blowing strongly and rain was imminent. I was worried for her. Considering her age, the distance of her house, the possible downpour, and the road condition, my worry was not unfounded.

I suggested to send her home and asked her leave her bicycle in the Chapel. But she insisted on cycling back on her own.

“The wind is strong, and it is about to rain,” I reminded her.

“I am not afraid,” she replied.

Trying to show my concern for her safety, I said, “But I am (afraid of your safety).”

To which, she assured me, “Do not be afraid. Jesus is with me.”

I was silenced.

She left alone, as unassumingly as she has come. And strange enough, it did not rain last night. Yes, Jesus was with her.

(Top: Morning at Sapa, Vietnam; bottom: sunset at Ha Long Bay, Vietnam)

Please Respect My Religion

2009-07-11T18:51:00.007+08:00

I was shocked to read from “The Nut Graph” that the journalists from the magazine called “Al Islam” have gone undercover into Catholic churches to spy on the Catholic Sunday Mass. They were on a mission to investigate the baseless rumour that the Catholic Church in Malaysia has been unscrupulously converting Muslim undergraduates.

It was indeed appalling that these ignorant journalists have gone forward to receive the Holy Communion (despite the reminder that the Holy Communion is reserved for Catholics only), and later spat the Body of Christ out in order to take pictures for the publication of their magazine. This was sacrilegious, totally provoking and unacceptable.

I am truly a Malaysian. Now, I wonder how many more narrow-minded Malaysians out there, who are feeling insecure with their own position, are constantly wary of other religious groups. Why can we not live together without much suspicion and fear? How have I threatened you?

After 50 over years Malaysia has achieved its independence, Malaysia is backtracking on racial and interreligious tolerance. Once again, the education system in Malaysia has failed to promote racial and interreligious understanding. We are so fearful of another religion that we have to spy on them.

Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you. If you do not believe in what I believe, fine; but please do not ridicule my religion. If you feel fearful or suspicious, approach us, talk to us, and ask us. We welcome inter-religious dialogues for we are civilized community.

[Reported on http://www.thenutgraph.com/catholics-lodge-report-against-al-islam]
(Garden of Eden)

Taking For Granted

2009-07-11T18:14:00.005+08:00

How often I have taken the people around me for granted?

It was Tuesday night when I received the bad news that he has been rushed to IJN for immediate surgery due to serious bleeding from the main vessels of the heart. I was shocked with disbelief for I was supposed to meet him up the next day. Life can be so fragile.

I remembered seeing him talking to a couple outside his residence on Sunday, two days before the incident. I was prompted to walk forward to greet him but at that time I was wet with sweat and I just walked away. “Next time perhaps,” I told myself. “There is always a tomorrow.”

What if tomorrow never comes? If I have seized the day, and did what my heart has prompted me to do, I would not have regretted now.

In the silence of my heart, I pray that God will do what He sees fit.

(Garden of Eden)

Decision Making

2009-07-07T08:05:00.003+08:00

I do not like making decisions. Even though there are only two options either “Yes” or “No”, it is still hard enough to choose.

What makes it so hard to choose? There are many reasons yet to be explored. My problem is that I can be very indecisive. Yet sometimes in life, I will have to make quick decision before others start deciding for me on my behalf. Then though I might not like it, I have to live with it.

Someone asked me how long the decision making would take. To which I answered I did not know.

Deep within me I know that it can drag on for all eternity unless one fine day, we come to a final conclusion and say, “Enough is enough! This is it! This is what I want.”

(Garden of Eden)

Saturday Night Fever

2009-07-06T17:46:00.004+08:00

It was Saturday night. And guess what normal people would do?

Some would spend their Saturday night at the comfort of their homes, in front of TV or with family. It was time for relaxation. Some would prefer to do some shopping or sipping of tea or coffee at Starbucks as the busy week ended. Some would prefer deafening music and dazzling lights of the pubs. Some went for “Transformers”; others opted for a game of badminton or soccer. My housemates had a terrific time with their dentist, and I have chosen the road least travelled...

I was back in office after dinner. It was dark. And the road leading to my office was poorly lighted by the streetlights. Why would I go back to office at such odd hours?

I spent more than two hours in the office – doing house-keeping. I vacuumed the carpet, tidied up the files and documents, and scrubbed the toilet. After all the hard work, the office looked refreshed. And trust me, even the toilet bowl was glistening under the fluorescent light.

Mother Theresa once said, “Do small things with great love.” At the end of the night, all my hard work was rewarded with genuinely deep sense of fulfillment.

(Top: Johor Bahru; bottom: office)

Feeling Dry

2009-07-02T19:33:00.014+08:00

I was experiencing spiritual dryness, in Ignatian terms, it is known as spiritual desolation. I told the Group that I encountered a lot of distractions and was not fulfilled after prayers. Reflecting on yesterday Gospel passage, I was complaining to Jesus just like the demoniac, “What do you want of me, Son of God?” I found myself walking towards Jesus; yet I felt the struggle within me as I dragged my feet towards Him.

It is never easy to look into the brokenness within me and truly believe that God really loves me as who I am. I was told that I was worth more that many sparrows, and in yesterday’s Gospel, many pigs. But I was still sceptical. The bit-by-bit discovery of my own self can be really frightening because there comes the challenge: what am I to do after the discovery? I lamented to Jesus, “Please send me to the pigs...” I did not want to explore further, I was tired, and I wanted to give up.

The frustration brought me to the sudden realization that, “If I live as a pig, I will die as a pig…”

During end-of-day examen yesterday, it came to me that I am the problem to my desolations. I have not planned and managed my time well. The effect of it was that my working time was prolonged and it disrupted my private time and prayer life. And the effect was further experienced in the movement of spirits within me during prayer and outside prayer.

The desolation tells me that I need to do something and I can do something.

[Reflection on Matthew 8: 28-34]
(The Park)

To Walk The Extra Mile

2009-06-29T19:50:00.006+08:00

I was watching a Hong Kong documentary series called “On the Road”, or better known as “向世界出发”. During the first season, few episodes explored the Vatican City, the smallest city of the world which emanates the light of the Christian faith. In the second season, the guide journeyed to Israel, the holy land of the Abrahamic faiths – Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
.
I was awed to see the Wailing Wall, the ruins of the former Solomon’s Temple, destroyed during the wars. The Wall serves as the witness to the tears and bloodshed, pains, suffering and death of the many Jews. Their nation was once destroyed, they were scattered throughout the world. Then there came Adolf Hitler that started the genocide. They were imprisoned in concentration camp, tortured but they persevered. They were forced to cut the scrolls of Scriptures into pieces to make handbags, clothes and to be trampled upon. They were killed in cold blood and their body fat was extracted to make soaps. But they never gave up their faith…

The early Christians too walked through valleys dark as death. They held on to the faith and suffered martyrdom. A man was sawed into half just because he refused to denounce his faith. Another was stoned to death because he was holding the Body of Christ close to his chest and refused to unveil the Host when ordered to. Many were caught and thrown into the Colosseum to be mauled to death by the lions.

I came to realize that the faith that I believe is founded on the blood of so many saints, martyrs and unsung heroes. The Eucharistic celebration that I so often take for granted was the cause of death of so many faithful believers. In those days, the faithful risked their lives celebrating the Eucharist secretly in homes and prisons. Many were killed because of attending Mass.

Since they have clung on to the faith courageously, therefore the Church is what she is today, and I am proud to be part of the Holy Communion.

People died to protect the faith, to pass on the Way and to shine forth in darkness. But then, what have I done for Christ’s sake? Have I done enough for God’s greater glory? I wonder. Am I willing to walk the extra mile?

(Garden of Eden)

His Name Is John

2009-06-26T00:21:00.005+08:00

Elizabeth and Zechariah, in their old age were granted a child. And they named him John. But in their family, no one had that name. Nevertheless, Zechariah insisted that, “His name is John.”

The scripture passage reminded me of my own name. Of all names, why “Edwin”? Until now, I do not really have an answer.

I recalled my younger days how I hated the name “Edwin”. Yes, of all names, why “Edwin”? Those were the days when I was the laughing stock because of that name. People would tend to associate my name with the jeans.

When it came to writing the name, it was hard to move the pen from one letter to the next smoothly. When I looked into the Bible, the name “Edwin” never appeared in the Bible. When I searched the internet, I just got to know very little about this saint after whom I was named.

When I hated my own name, I was actually saying that I did not really like my own self. There were so much odious comparisons, self pity and inferiority complex intertwined together making me uncomfortable with my own self.

In this passage, I see that there is something much more than just a name. My name spells uniqueness and it is an embodiment of body, mind and spirit. The name is given to me because there is an expectation of me, a hope on me and a path prepared for me.

And now, “His name is Edwin."

"And the hand of the Lord is with him.”

“In the desert he shall remain until the day he appears openly to Israel.”

[Reflection on Luke 1: 57-66, 80]
(Macau)

Problem

2009-06-24T00:01:00.002+08:00

Problem? What is that?

No one likes problem. When problem comes, the heart feels burdened, the mind shrinks, muscles tense up, stomach gets upset; and everything seems out of place.

Of course, it is easy to point fingers at the whole world and blame others as devils that make my life difficult. And as usual, the culture, the mentality and the society are always at fault. I can always regard myself as the pathetic victim of injustice, indifference and immorality. I can continue to whine and grumble but nothing is going to change; nothing.

If the world around me is seriously wrong, why should I feel restless or guilty about that? I cannot change the world. Let the world be, for I am in the world but not of the world.

What if I am the trouble maker instead? What if I am suffering from my own wrong-doings? And because of my doing, I am at odd with the rest of the world?

“Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.” It is only humility through grace that I can see clearly into myself, into others, and into the problem more objectively.

Everything boils down to one simple question: what is my problem telling me about myself?

[Reflection on Matthew 7: 1-5]

(Ruins of St. Paul, Macau)

The Shore

2009-06-21T22:41:00.004+08:00

“Come thus far,” said the Lord, “and no farther.”

“Here your proud waves shall break!”

The boy stood by the shore, at the boundary of dry land and stormy sea. The sight of the wave and the splashes of the droplets scared him though he knew the droplets would do him no harm.

“Why are you so frightened? How is it that you have no faith?”

The boy was mute to the questions. He knew he was safe on dry land but he had to leave the solid ground in search of another ocean.

He had to leave his little boat and broken net but he was not sure whether he would need them again.

“Unless I walk on water...,” so he thought.

[Reflection on Job 3: 1, 8-11, Mark 4: 35-41]
(Neighbourhood)

For Her

2009-06-21T22:08:00.002+08:00

The encapsulated liquefied fish fat is supposed to nourish her brain with omega-3 fatty acid, DHA and EPA.

Vitamin B is to boost memory while vitamin C is to enhance body immune system.

An Acquired Taste

2009-06-21T21:47:00.003+08:00

It was indeed a thrill to watch people slurping, sucking and swallowing half-boiled bloody cockles.

.
One man’s meat is another’s poison. I could never put those near-to-raw cockles into my mouth. The smell of it sent shivers down my spine.

Looking at their excitement, joy and the sense of fulfilment, I shook my head in disbelief. The three of them managed to finish one kilogram of cockles for lunch.

Smile

2009-06-16T00:31:00.009+08:00

I went to my customer’s office in Bukit Raja Industrial Park few days back and met the receptionist outside her office. I smiled with her and greeted her. I have seen her few times in the lobby and spoken to her quite a number of times over the phone before, but she could not remember me.

Surprised, she thought I was a new staff to her company, to which I clarified that I was not. And I told her how I have met her and spoken to her before.

Coincidentally yesterday morning, I reached the customer’s office quite very early but have forgotten to print out some important documents. And fortunately, she came to my rescue.

Smile and the whole world will smile with you. A sincere smile can work wonders.

(Venetian Casino, Macau)

Brida

2009-06-14T19:16:00.007+08:00

There is this story of Brida, a young Irish girl on her own pilgrimage in search for knowledge.

She sets off on a long journey and comes across a wise man who teaches her about overcoming her fears. In another occasion, she meets a woman who teaches her how to dance to the hidden music of the world.

They see in her a gift, but the journey is hers not theirs. Brida has to explore on her own, to expect the unexpected and to savour every moment of her voyage of discovery:

“But how will I know who my Soulmate is?”

“By taking the risk,” the woman said to Brida.

“By risking failure, disappointment, disillusion, but never ceasing in your search for Love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end.”

[Excerpt from Brida by Paulo Coelho]
(Grand Lisboa Casino, Macau)

Cheated Again

2009-06-13T11:57:00.004+08:00

I think I have been cheated again and the realization comes to me after one year. I do not know why I can be so credulous, so trusting, so naive into believing the same tricks used on me though by different person.

All I have in mind is to help, but there are people out there who do not feel the pinch or prick of conscience. They have no problem into abusing a friend’s trust, his sincerity and generosity.

I guess I have not learnt lessons from the past experiences, and therefore history is repeating itself again. I suddenly realized that I have been used, manipulated, exploited and betrayed.

It is time to really grow up.

(Hotel in Macau)

Can Things Be Simpler?

2009-06-13T11:12:00.006+08:00

I do not know how but can things be made simpler?

Things can sometimes get complicated and messy, even though I do not intend to complicate things. I do not want to trouble troubles until trouble troubles me. However trouble will not leave me alone though I do not look for trouble.

I am now more cautious of the choice of words, more aware of my body language, and more careful of my behaviour so that people around me will not perceive things wrongly or jump into wrong conclusions.

While all that reminds me of risk management, preventive actions and contingency plans, can things be as simple as sushi?

(Zanmai Sushi, One Utama)

Patience

2009-06-11T08:48:00.004+08:00

Patience is a virtue.

I always told myself that in God’s own time, things would fall in place. And I needed to be patient with God.

However, there was a whole shift during prayer on Tuesday. In saying I needed to be patient with God, I was actually implying that God was kind of slow in carrying out what He was supposed to do. It cast bad light upon God that He was inefficient and did not manage His time well; and therefore I had to be patient and wait.

I suddenly realized that God was actually swift in His action. It was me that was inefficient and God, being a patient God had to wait for me instead.

Very often, I am disappointed with my own self, give up hope and get angry with God. But He is always gentle and patient. His gentleness and patience have made me think He is not doing anything. In actual fact, His being there with me is his greatest act of love.

I used to pray for patience in dealing with God. Now I see that I need to be patient with my own self rather than with God.

(Museu de Macau)

Magis Prayer

2009-06-10T00:11:00.009+08:00

God, our Father,
You are always near to us:
in stillness and in action,
alone or with others,
in the familiar and in the strange.

May we always be aware
of Your holy presence,
so that we can boldly seek and find You in all things.

As a sign of Your intimacy, You sent Jesus Christ, Your Son.
Help us to know Him more deeply:
seeing as He sees,
loving as He loves,
and acting as He would have us do.

Fill us with the same Spirit that You two share,
so that we may love Jesus more intensely
and follow Him ever more nearly.

(Note: St. Ignatius has always strived for the "more" (or known as magis) in everything that he did. And his spirituality has always challenged us to do more: more deeply, more intensely, more closely etc, all directed to the greater glory of God. And I always wonder what more can I do for God?)

(Top: Wan Zai, Zhu Hai, China; bottom: Koi Kei bakery, Macau)

Stone Story

2009-06-09T15:22:00.007+08:00

I am on a journey from destination A to destination B. I am on a mission to find the perfect stone along the way and supposedly to find the ideal one before I reach point B.

I come across stones of all shapes and sizes but not a single one captures my mind so far. I am still waiting for the perfect one, the one that my heart desires. But it is nowhere to be found.

To wait or not to wait? Choices can be odious. I hate making decisions, yet I complain when I am left with no choice.

Time seems to be running out. What if I am fated never to find the perfect stone?

My friend who told me this analogy of life posed this question, “Why not grab on something while you are searching for the perfect one? Why not ride on a mule to look for the horse?”

I sighed. I believe I should not put the Lord my God to the test. There might not be any perfect stone, but the choice I make and how I make use of the stone will determine its preciousness.

I started off the journey with impatience; I was literally pushing my way through. However, God’s way is not my way; God does not play my game.

In the midst of searching, it is time for purging, a time for listening, a time for learning, and a time for discerning. With belt around my waist, sandals on my feet, and staff in my hand, I will wait.

(Top: street in Macau towards Ruins of St. Paul; bottom: Venetian Casino, Macau)

A Good Start

2009-06-08T08:44:00.008+08:00

Eating Gardenia butterscotch bread with Laughing Cow cheese for breakfast...

The fragrance of the butter, the milky taste of the cheese and the sourness of dried raisins blend together superbly and uh, breakfast can taste so good. I managed to swallow half a loaf for breakfast but still hungering for more.

It is indeed a good kick-start for a blue Monday morning and the new week ahead...
.
(Fisherman's Wharf, Macau)

When Language Is A Barrier

2009-06-07T15:19:00.005+08:00

Mel and I were talking about how language could dampen a person’s spirit and puncture one’s confidence.

I recall a friend of mine who has problem communicating in English. Back in campus when we were all busy with our final-year thesis, he had problem understanding the technical papers and journals which were all in English. And even now, he will let me check his e-mails first before sending to his colleagues, bosses or customers.

Previously, he was working on sites and paper work was minimal. Now, he is stationed in the office, things change, and he is required to communicate with internal and external parties, conducting meetings, handle internal audits, prepare reports... And I believe he is currently under a lot of stress.
.
I just felt sorry for him. He has quitted smoking years ago. However the other day, I bumped into him in front of his house when he was about to light a cigarette. Feeling guilty and not wanting me to worry for him, he flipped his right hand and hid the cigarette behind his back, pretending that everything was fine and smooth sailing.

Behind his smiles and laughter, I could sense his tension, his fear, and his struggles. He knows his stuffs, but knowledge has to be expressed in words through the use of language.

I am not good in English either. Every time when I hear people commenting about the improper use of the Queen’s language, I keep quiet for I know I am not in the right position to comment anything. And mind you, I do not even know what “egg plant” is until recently.

Language is definitely not something we can master overnight, but I am praying that my friend will be able to learn to overcome his problem. In God’s own way, and in His time, I pray.
.
(Fisherman's Wharf, Macau)

To Err Is Human...

2009-06-07T14:18:00.005+08:00

I was having a plant tour at customers’ place last week. And an interesting poster caught my attention.

It read, “To err is human...”

How true the quotable quote is? No man (or woman) on earth is perfect; everyone tends to make mistakes, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I remembered the priest telling us that mistakes help us grow.

Just when I thought the company dared to be different in the corporate world in dealing with mistakes and failures, I regretted that the quote ended otherwise; it ended with a “but”.

The whole proverb read, “To err is human, but to forgive is not company policy.”

At that, I felt sudden dizziness.

(Venetian Casino, Macau)

Balakong

2009-06-03T08:21:00.025+08:00

I was trying to explain to the Indonesian lady who served me at my favourite lunching restaurant of my missing-in-action for the past few days. I told her I was away at customer’s place in Balakong.

Puzzled, she replied by throwing another question, “Belakang mana?”

(Picture: before and after)

Gazing into Eternity

2009-05-12T19:19:00.017+08:00

I was trapped in the traffic jam from PJ back to Kelana Jaya and to Serdang. Crawling along the Federal Highway. I noticed how the environment shaped me, I felt anger, frustration and tension within me on a Wesak replacement holiday. The traffic jam has turned me into a monster. The next thing I knew I was cursing and started queue cutting and zigzaging on the bumper-to-bumper road.

I do not know why. I hate the way I behave but traffic jam or even the thought of it always makes me behave irrationally. I guess I do not like to be trapped in the middle of nowhere. The sense of guilt that I should have spent my time in a more constructive manner always drives me up the wall.

Yesterday, after going through the massive jam, I reached my destination two-and-a-half hour later. While calming myself before meeting my friend, I was struck by the glorious sunset.

Time has as if come to an abrupt halt. It was no longer about race against time, or about things yet to be accomplished. Neither was it about the schedule to be met, nor preparation to be made.

At that particular moment, I thought I have a glimpse of God's glory. At that moment, I thought I have gazed into eternity.

May 7 Wear Black Day

2009-05-05T22:24:00.009+08:00

As the poll reform group Bersih spokesperson Wong Chin Huat has been arrested under the Sedition Act tonight by a team of police. It is sad to see that the police has once again been manipulated for personal gains. Looking at the letter to the editor from Bersih as posted on MySinchew, I wonder what "sedition" actually means.

The original article below is taken from http://www.mysinchew.com/node/24055?tid=14

May 7 Wear Black Day
2009-05-05 15:42

LETTER TO EDITOR

We the Coalition for Free and Fair Elections (BERSIH) call upon all Malaysians to wear black to work, to school, in play or at home the coming May 7th (Thursday) to present “1BLACKMalaysia” to Prime Minister Najib Razak as our strongest protest to the on-going Perak coup he has orchestrated.

Despite the court’s scheduled hearing on the legality of Zambry Abdul Kadil’s legality as the Menteri Besar on May 5th and 6th, a sitting for the Perak State Legislature has been scheduled to begin on May 7th bypassing the speaker V. Sivakumar.

A motion has also been tabled to replace the speaker, who has vigorously defended the Legislature’s rights and power throughout the coup, with R. Ganesan, a non-lawmaker from the Malaysian Indian Congress (MIC).

To prevent the public from knowing what would happen in the assembly, a “media curfew” was imposed whereby only 13 selected media outlets are granted access, on top of a general lockdown of the city of Ipoh, where the Legislature is seated. While the Zambry regime had since retracted the "media curfew" under strong public outcry, the initial move reveals a regime that fears public scrutiny.

These latest developments show total disregard of Najib Razak on rule of law and constitutional democracy in Malaysia. He has also ignored the voters’ wrath on unconstitutional means of power grab, as showed in the Bukit Gantang by-election where the margin for the ousted MB Mohammad Nizar increased by over 2000 votes.

Najib’s slogan: “1Malaysia, people first, performance now” is now a cruel joke on Malaysians. Is this the old “1Authoritarian-and-CorruptMalaysia” getting worse? What “people first” when people are forced to be blind, deaf, mute and immobile with the media curfew and city lockdown? What “performance now” when the “performance” in law-breaking may never be known?

In response to all these, we urge all Malaysians to wear black on May 7th. It will be a peaceful but powerful message of civil disobedience that we the people are politicians' bosses and no politicians defiant of public opinion can escape punishment at the next poll. Civil disobedience is a peaceful act that every citizen can participate and make a difference. In history, civil disobedience led by Mahatma Ghandi, Martin Luther King and the Polish people had successfully ended tyranny and injustice without bloodshed or disruption.

Let’s paint every state and territory, every town and village black with our clothes, headbands, hats, turbans, veils, armbands, ribbons and stickers on that day. Let everyone see a sea of black walking into an office, a market, a mosque, a temple, a church, a college, a park, a bus, a commuter or LRT car, a ferry or an aeroplane.

Let us be united in one BLACK colour and let show the world that the 1Malaysia under Najib Razak is “1BLACKMalaysia” living in darkness.

Let’s show the world that Malaysians will stand up against any invasion of democracy, freedom and peace by unscrupulous politicians. We will not allow coup be the way to power in Perak, or anywhere in Malaysia. No one shall take away our democracy, freedom and peace. Najib may hijack our unelected institutions like the judiciary, civil service, police and Election Commission, but he will never win our heart and mind. And he is no reformist until he dares to face elections in Perak.

Let us show Najib in one colour - "1BlackMalaysia!". Let us tell him in one voice for Malaysia: "Democracy First!" Let us pose him the one solution for Perak: "Elections now!"

Yes, Mr Prime Minister of Malaysia, and the World, listen to us: 1BlackMalaysia! Democracy First! Elections Now!

1. Writer Alliance for Media Independence (WAMI)
2. Centre for Orang Asli Concerns
3. Citizen Think Tank
4. Centre for Independent Journalism
5. People's Parliament
6. Centre for Policy Initiatives
7 Persatuan Kesedaran Komuniti, Selangor (Empower)

KUALA LUMPUR 5 May 2009
MySinchew 2009.05.05

Reunion & Communion

2009-05-04T22:59:00.019+08:00

Meals and food have always been important and significant in Chinese culture. Meals and food always bring people together. I remember when I was small then, my family always practised the good tradition whereby we must eat dinners together, as a family. No matter how disruptive I could feel about dinner time, and how reluctant I was, I had to switch off the television, gave up my greatest entertainment and gave way to dinner time. Dinner was a time for reunion.

Last weekend, we had our reunion in Penang. Despite the good food that we enjoyed, I found the presence really consoling; and we enjoyed each other’s company. We shared meals and shared our life. This is the family that I grew up with, spent my childhood with and this very family has shaped me into what I am today. This is not a perfect family but a blessed family.

Had God not been there for us, we would not have journeyed thus far as a family. Though food seemed to be the factor that has brought us together, but it was God’s love that has sustained us and bound us together. As I reflect on the weekend experience, I realize that it is time to look beyond the food. It is time to see that though our paths may converge or diverge in the future, we are always in communion with each other.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.

(Notice that I use the term “communion” and “in communion”, the family reunion reminds me of the Eucharistic communion. When we come together for Eucharist, we are coming together as a family of God, sharing the meal at the table of the Lord and sharing our life with each other. The community is a family where no one should be left behind.)

Making Sense of Perak Constitutional Crisis

2009-05-04T13:38:00.019+08:00

Since March 08 Malaysian General Election, the Barisan Nasional (BN) has lost its two-third majority in the Parliament. The political awareness of the people has generally risen; and the people's frustration towards the BN led government has heightened.

Our inclination for change has stripped BN of its control over 5 states: Perlis, Penang, Perak, Selangor and Kelantan. We have sent strong message of disapproval of BN’s political monopoly, rampant money politics and corruption, religious persecution and power abuse, ineffectiveness management, and misuse of public funds, just to name a few. But has BN especially the great UMNO waken from its slumber after the previous 308 General Election?

For Perak, we have spoken during the General Election. We have chosen our own representatives from the Pakatan Rakyat (PR). However UMNO has chosen to ignore our voice. It happened out of the blue, in the most dramatic manner, three PR state assemblymen were allegedly hijacked, threatened and bought over by UMNO. And BN has thus, claimed they have obtain the people’s consent to set up new state government. And in the hastiest manner, Zambry was installed as the new Menteri Besar (MB) of Perak while Nizar was still the rightful MB elected by the people. In actual procedure, a motion must be passed and the majority of the state assemblymen must cast no-confidence vote against the current MB in order to oust the MB-in-power. However bypassing the normal procedure, Najib has brought the whole issue to the Sultan.

Only one word to describe the current situation now: commotion. There was an unexpected backlash from the people which I believed Najib and his chorus boys have underestimated. The anger was evidenced by the PR landslide winning in Bukit Gantang and Bukit Selambau by-elections recently. The people now stand together more united, regardless of race and religion, to slam the unconstitutional take over. We demand to dissolve the state assembly, and call for fresh election so that the people may choose. But Najib, Zambry and other BN component parties, being cowards for fear of losing, refused to call for fresh election in Perak. Who is Najib, or Zambry to decide what is best for the people? They have failed to realize that election is the fundamental of a democratic system, without which is democracy is like body without soul; without which, democracy is dead.

To each and everyone’s disappointment, more childish acts were staged by BN, trying to justify their take over. We have seen how the election commission, the country judiciary system, royal police force, Anti Corruption Agency, mainstream media etc. were manipulated in favour of BN. Looking at the so many inconsistencies, everything, to me was nothing but a set up, a conspiracy. Many questions remain unanswered.

(1) What is the role of the election commission? Does the commission has the right to deny the dissolution of the state assembly when instructed by Nizar, the then and now MB? Is the election committee allowed to openly support or oppose any political party? And I thought the committee was supposed to be independent. Does the election committee have the authority to declare which by-election is necessary and which is not as what happened in the imminent Penanti by-election?

(2) Who is the State Secretary? Why is the appointed State Secretary having more authority than the MB, the Speaker and the state assemblymen who are elected by the people? Who is the State Secretary to defy the orders from the MB, the Speaker and the state assemblymen? I do not know how far this is true but I was told that the State Secretary is just another clerk in the State Assembly. Has the clerk then been given the authority to lock up the Bangunan Perak Darul Ridzuan and forbid the state assembly meeting being held?

(3) By what authority the police have to stop the state assemblymen from going into Bangunan Perak Darul Ridzuan to have the state assembly meeting? Who they thought they were when they came up with weird instruction banning the use of the name “Altantuya” during the by-election campaigns in Bukit Gantang, Bukit Selambau and Batang Ai? I wonder who they think they are…

(4) Why was it that the Anti Corruption Agency suddenly became so efficient and busy with Selangor MB’s car-and-cow issues? But they were blind towards Khir Toyo and his family visit to Disneyland, and his bungalow scandal in the Mecca. They ignored as well, the money politics of the Melaka MB. I just could not understand.

(5) Has the judiciary system power over the legislative? Can the judge declare the motions that has been passed in the state assembly (or Parliament) as null as void?

(6) How could the UMNO youths be allowed to enter the Parliament compound to harass wheelchair bound MP, Karpal Singh? Why were the Parliament security guards not defending the victim but standing there doing nothing? Why was there no action taken to the UMNO gangsters?

There are many other questions awaiting for real and true answers. I am as confused as the many other Malaysians who love Malaysia. And I do not think my questions will ever be answered as long as the severely corrupted UMNO is still in power…

As Zambry is pushing his way to boot the Speaker out and to secure his grip of power, our voice has once again been ignored. It is also very clear that UMNO has waken from its slumber but fallen into another self-obsessive daydreaming. Like an ostrich hiding its head in the sand. UMNO is still trying to deceive itself that it has lost the by-elections because of the ungrateful non Malay voters. Muhyiddin, the Deputy Prime Minister said that non Malay voters have accepted BN’s election goodies, but have not voted for BN! And it was BN politician’s flip-flop nature to later deny having said or meant such a thing and to blame the media for having distorted his speech.

Standing under the Tree of Democracy, I sighed at the BN’s narrow mindedness for not wanting to leave the tree alone. It is just a tree. They have recently planted twenty over trees (or shrubs) around the Tree of Democracy, and named that plot of land as Taman Istana. Your guess is as good as mine: what are they trying to do? The newly planted trees were all withering away due to the lack of sunlight and water. What a waste of public fund and resources! The money, time and manpower should have been channeled elsewhere!

Leaflets were seen all over the place, spreading rumours about a DAP state assembly member’s involvement in extra-marital affair with another married man. Gosh, the politicians are getting more and more unscrupulous for their own agenda these days. The DAP lady politician has clearly beome the next BN target after Elizabeth Wong.

When the drowning is trying to catch at straws, UMNO and BN are getting more and more irrelevant in Malaysian context. If they continue to stand in our nation’s way towards greater freedom, justice, love and peace, we have no choice but to uproot them and throw them into the fiery furnace. Expect them to change? We have given UMNO and BN 50 over years to do so. They are already rotten at the very core of their being and they are beyond redemption. Well, fear not! They are not indispensible; and only by disposing of them, Malaysia will have a better and brighter future.

Holy Week Mass Time

2009-04-08T13:46:00.010+08:00

The Hour Has Come

2009-03-31T01:36:00.009+08:00

“The hour has come” sounds nothing more than a mere statement. But Jesus was telling his disciples that the time had come for him to die. We often think that we have all the time in the world to delay and procrastinate, and that there is always a tomorrow. Jesus shocks us to the fact that time is running out and that we need to be serious with our lives, stop fooling around and do what we are supposed to do. If we want to be true followers of Jesus, we will have to deny ourselves of our unruly desires, selfish wants and needs, embrace our cross of sufferings, and follow his footstep.

Nobody wants to die. Deep within us, we are afraid to die. We have often failed to realize that dying could mean much more than physical death. Dying to ourselves means dying to our pride and ego; and accepting unfamiliar changes in life. How we have always seen death as losing, humiliation and the end of everything? Dying to ourselves actually means taking responsibility of our lives again, and being proactive in making a change with God’s grace. Just like the seed that falls into the earth and dies, and yields a rich harvest, dying to ourselves means opening up to new possibilities and new horizons.

The hour has indeed come. We can still deceive ourselves that we are not ready, we are not worthy, this is not the best time to change, and there is no need to change. For all we know, lent has already slipped away and we are stuck in the middle of nowhere, just like the Israelites lost in the desert for forty years because Moses never bothered to ask God for direction.

Often in life, we have to make difficult decision whether to stay in our comfort zone or to move out of it. We all know we need to make a change, but we are afraid that the change will make things worse. Therefore we think of remaining in where we are. We are indecisive and torn apart. However, when we have finally made the change whether by our own choice or forced to by the situations of life, we find that our fears are actually unfounded, and that there is life on the other side.

Perhaps there are changes that we really need to make in our lives, the way we think, and the way we operate? Perhaps there are things that we have to risk to change? There is always a choice, and the choice is in our hand.

To die or not to die? To live is to die; and to die is to live…

[Reflection on the Holy Gospel according to John 12: 20-33]

Celebrating Full Moon

2009-03-30T00:57:00.001+08:00

What child is this?

I Have Wanted Too Much!

2009-03-24T18:47:00.011+08:00

Withered and shrunk,
In decay I lie.
My youth has left me,
My strength abandoned me,
My health deserted me.
I am nothing but a breathing corpse.

From cradle to grave,
Darkness shrouds me.
And in darkness I remain.
You offer light, I have chosen darkness.
You promise life, yet I have preferred death.

I have everything,
Everything to myself,
Everything to my selfish gain;
But does it matter now?
Clock ticking, life passing...

I have wanted too much food;
Full stomach, yet empty heart.
I have wanted too much wine;
Yet it could not quench the thirst
For the true meaning of my existence.

I have wanted too big a house;
Yet it fails to shelter from pain and suffering.
I have wanted the best clothes to cover my body;
Yet I still shiver in loneliness.

I have wanted all the wealth of the world,
The best of everything,
Comfort and luxury;
Yet I am never fulfilled by the unreal,
My heart yearns for the Real.

I have wanted too much control over things;
Yet having no control over my own life,
Nothing is within control.

I have wanted a say in everything,
Power over the others,
Yet having problem deciding what to do with my own life.

I have wanted to indulge myself,
Do anything I want,
And I force my way through;
At the end of days,
I suffer in loneliness.

I have wanted to be noticed,
To be respected and looked up to,
To be adored and loved;
Yet I look within with disgust.
I put on masks and build walls:
Like the white-washed tombs,
Nothing’s inside but rottenness and decay.
Who cares anyway?
I am the centre of the universe.

I have wandered too far,
Wanted too much!
I have everything,
Yet owning nothing.
I have wanted too much
Until I know not what I want...

What will I get
If I gain the whole world
But lose my very soul?

Clock ticking, life passing...

What matters now?

(My first poem in 28 years)

This Lent

2009-03-24T18:36:00.003+08:00

Coming before the God of Silence...

Working under Minimal Supervision?

2009-03-24T18:28:00.005+08:00

I was once told by someone that working life is easy, simply because those who have come out from the ivory tower have a better sense of direction in life and that their lives are much more stable as compared to students'. Of course, these words came from the mouth of a student.

I held my tongue, shaking my head and smiling helplessly in my heart: "Wait till you come out to work..."

It has been 4 years since I left the campus, working under tight scrutiny of superiors. Later I joined the consultant world; and I started to work under minimal supervision. It may sound fun owning the whole office to myself. But in actual fact, it is not as easy as I thought.

Working under minimal supervision, I have to be really disciplined. Discipline means I must constantly motivate myself and get myself on my feet to work. At the end of the day, I need to show the results of my work. My boss is not so much interested in how hard I work but how much money I can earn for the company. This is something definitely very different from my previous working culture whereby results were not as important as hard works. My previous bosses would want to see an iron man working 24-7.

In this new environment, I need to be independent because everything is dependent on me. Previously in my old companies, whenever there was problem with my PC, it was easy for me to get the IT guy to fix the problem, without having to raise my eyebrow. Now, I have to frown and look to myself whenever the PC or laptop is giving me headaches.

So far so good, I have survived this long. I am confident that God has put me in this for a reason. It is not an end but a mean.

The Past Haunts

2009-02-13T09:14:00.002+08:00

I have moved to my new room in Kelana Jaya for about two week without me knowing it. I have therefore left Bandar Baru Bangi where I used to stay for good, so I thought. Who knows the past still haunts!

Remember my housemate (now ex-housemate) that I mentioned in “Give Me Space”? She was kind of the “pioneer” or person-in-charge of the house. She has refused to return my deposit and other household related funds amounting to about RM800 on the excuse that I have left without giving two-month notice.

She was wrong because she has failed to realize that the deposit was collected in order to replace any damage if any caused by the tenant who in this case was me. Since I did not cause any damage to the room, she should return the deposit to me. The other household related funds (for example the sharing of the water filter and washing machine) should be returned to me as well after my moving out.

Furthermore, I have actually informed her about my moving out in advance and have found a tenant to take over the room. In that case, the new tenant was supposed to pay the deposit and rental for the room. However she, being choosy and paranoid, has chased the new tenant away. She forced the new tenant to vacate the room within short notice just because she did not like the new tenant. The room is now vacant; no one is paying for the room rental and she has wanted to use my RM800++ to pay for the rental!

When I tried to reason with her, all she could tell is “my boyfriend and I have no money, please don’t force us!”

Mind you she is a PHD student under scholarship; and her boyfriend who is working with Oil & Gas Company enjoys RM7000++ monthly salary.

No Sense and Nonsense

2009-02-11T00:27:00.006+08:00

“This is your new husband!” announced the father.

“This is not my husband and I refuse to remarry with this Mr. Don’t Know Who...” she retorted.

However, her resistance was to no avail.

The father slapped her in the face, in front of the so-called relatives who were watching the soap opera. The relatives were supporting the father, trying to add charcoal to fire, “You should listen to your father; he knows what is best for you.”

The poor wife came back one day to realize that she has been separated by force with her newly-wed husband. And her father, together with the relatives was trying to replace the legal husband with a stranger. They did that out of greed to have a share in the family’s wealth. They were jealous and wanted to show that they were in power.

They accused the legal husband that he had failed to perform his duty to please the relatives and therefore he must go and he has to go. The husband was barred from entering his home and was kept away from the wife. And the new husband with the father’s blessings, has taken his vows...

Who is the rightful husband? The former or the latter who forced his way through?

Where is justice? You may ask...

There can be NO justice when perak becomes berak; and najis turns into nah-jeep.

Happy Birthday, Daddy

2009-01-05T22:24:00.005+08:00

As you celebrate your 61st birthday today, you still seem younger than your real age.

You have been a person of golden silence because you do not really believe in talking much. Though you are not expressive in words but your love for me is transformed into actions, actions that grip my heart. You are humble and do not seek for recognition of you works.

I thank you for all that you have done out of love for me.

I love you, Dad...

From "Sin City"

2009-01-05T22:00:00.004+08:00

According to Lionel, Johor Bahru (JB) is the “sin city” of Malaysia. I do not agree because city does not sin, the people do. Calling JB a sin city might be an over exaggeration as compared to Sodom and Gomorrah but yes, it is true to some extent because according to my new bunch of colleagues, 2 out of 5 people from our small office have unfortunately become victims of crimes.

This is not my first time to JB. I have been here few years back during my first job when I was the project engineer for TNB main contracting firm. And the JB map book that I bought during that time and was shelved after I left my first job comes in very handy.

I started off my journey with my WAU around 7.45AM today and reached at about 11 something in Johor. A small tiny staircase led my Boss and I up to the first floor where the main office is. The office is small yet cosy, with a proper pantry which my previous company does not have. I was briefed on the training schedule. I was told I was the youngest consultant in the firm.

The colleagues together with the Boss welcomed me with a simple lunch at Old Town Restaurant. There were six of us at the table (my company has only less than 10 people).They were kind, friendly, helpful and sincere, I thought. Well, what do you expect from first encounter? Only time will tell the truth about person and personality.

Dinner, I had with my friend colleague who introduced me to this job. We had a hearty meal of fish head curry, fried pork with salted fish and green vegetables. I was so tempted to take out my camera; but no, I must not do that for I need to appear mature before colleagues and fellow consultants. After the dinner, I was driven around to admire the night scenery of Jusco, Tesco and a piece of cleared land on which IKEA would be built.

Then I was shown the Hospital Sultan Ismail, the laughing stock of the world. This was one of the many projects that failed when Samy Vellu was still the Works Minister. This was the hospital that after dumping in much money and was later discovered that the air conditioner ducts were contaminated with fungus. The hospital was not fully utilized until this very day and I was told that there was no doctor available at night. Bravo, this is satu lagi project kerajaan Barisan Nasional yang gagal...

Tomorrow, I will be following one of the seniors to Muar for on-site training. After lunch, there will be classroom training. At night my friend colleague will introduce me to Toastmaster International. He felt that the club has helped a lot in improving his communication skills. He wanted me to go and have a look. Well, that is an up-to-you thing, of course. WAU, I can foresee a busy day ahead...

HOLTINK

2009-01-02T16:43:00.003+08:00

I received three messages with the same content. At first, I frowned and tried to understand what the sender was trying to say: What the sender meant by tidak mematuhi info JPN? What has JPN to do with this? And why calling that number?

It seemed that I would experience service interruption if I did not follow the instructions...

It did not take me long to notice that the sender was HOLTINK instead of Hotlink.

Another fraudulent SMS...

Economic Meltdown

2009-01-02T15:31:00.009+08:00

They said this year is going to be tough. The effects will be seen especially after the Chinese New Year.

Retrenchment is rampant. There are basically two approaches:

(1) First in, first out basis: You have been an old staff. Getting rid of you will save the cost because with the salary the company pays you, the company can hire two or three fresh graduates. And you seem to have lost the passion as compared to when you first came in; you are stagnant, not moving.

(2) Last in, first out basis: Since you are new, and still under probation, the company can dispose of you easily without much hassle. And disposing of you will not affect the company that much etc...

A friend of mine who has only started working in Singapore for about three months has been retrenched. He faces difficulty in finding a new job due to the meltdown and the imminent Chinese New Year.

Another friend was forced to resign due to company politics and communication problem. It is not easy at all to hunt for new job at this very moment.

There may be many more people that we know of that are in difficult times and trying moments. They are afraid of the future, pressured by the harsh reality, deprived of hope and livelihood. They struggle.

In reaching out to them, I have found that there are few things we should bear in mind.

(1) Be sincere. Do not fake it. They are unemployed for that particular moment but they are not stupid to tell whether you are sincere or not.

(2) Be humble. If you intend to help, do not act as if you are his (or her) saviour. Do not show as if you know better of how to secure a job or to get a new job.

(3) Be nice. Never give lecture to the already guilt-laden hearts. Soft words break no bones.

(4) Be sensitive. The troubled hearts can be very fragile. Guard your lips, watch your words.

(5) Be positive. Always give hope and encouragement.

With the burst of the economic bubble, be thankful if you are not affected. Help those in need to overcome this period of recession and retrenchment.

If you are affected tremendously, take courage and never lose faith. Be sure that things will fall in place; and we need to be calm, cool, patient and resilient.

Somehow, the darkest hour is always nearest to dawn...